I told my therapist:
I can’t remember big parts of my life.
Not because I was “forgetful.”
Not because my memory was bad.
Just… blank spaces where moments should be.
She nodded and said:
“People who struggle with anxiety and depression often don’t remember much,
because they were never present in the moment to begin with.”
Then she explained:
“When you’re in survival mode, your mind is focused on getting through the moment, not experiencing it.
So the memory doesn’t form.”
And I swear something in me went quiet.
It made sense.
How I can’t remember childhood birthdays.
How I can’t remember vacations.
How I can’t remember conversations from last week.
I was there… but I wasn’t.
Because when your mind is busy holding itself together, there is gotno room left to live.
And it hurts to realize you survived so much, you never actually to be in your own life.
My therapist said:
“Your memory didn’t fail you.
Your nervous system protected you.”
And maybe that’s the saddest,
most compassionate thing I’ve ever heard.
Because it means the forgetting wasn’t weakness. It was self-defense.
And now healing is learning how to be here again. To let your body feel safe enough to stay in the moment. To finally start creating memories you can actually keep.
I can’t remember big parts of my life.
Not because I was “forgetful.”
Not because my memory was bad.
Just… blank spaces where moments should be.
She nodded and said:
“People who struggle with anxiety and depression often don’t remember much,
because they were never present in the moment to begin with.”
Then she explained:
“When you’re in survival mode, your mind is focused on getting through the moment, not experiencing it.
So the memory doesn’t form.”
And I swear something in me went quiet.
It made sense.
How I can’t remember childhood birthdays.
How I can’t remember vacations.
How I can’t remember conversations from last week.
I was there… but I wasn’t.
Because when your mind is busy holding itself together, there is gotno room left to live.
And it hurts to realize you survived so much, you never actually to be in your own life.
My therapist said:
“Your memory didn’t fail you.
Your nervous system protected you.”
And maybe that’s the saddest,
most compassionate thing I’ve ever heard.
Because it means the forgetting wasn’t weakness. It was self-defense.
And now healing is learning how to be here again. To let your body feel safe enough to stay in the moment. To finally start creating memories you can actually keep.
Forwarded from Wolf's Call (John Wolf)
"For the Fallen" (1914) by Laurence Binyon.
"They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them."
"They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them."