“MyPillow did really well in the Trump era, but now with a new administration, it’s time to try out OurPillow, my comrades!” said an exuberant Mike Lindell. “And we are proud to announce that we are transitioning to overseas factories…

“I can tell you that I had a very close encounter where I thought I was going to die," said AOC describing the events at Nakatomi Plaza. “Hans Gruber and his armed thugs took control of the building, and everyone was in a panic.”

ATLANTA, GA—The CDC has issued a reminder that just because people get the vaccine, that doesn't mean they should go outside, experience human interaction, or have any kind of joy or happiness in their lives ever again.

PARKLAND, FL—Gun control activist David Hogg has made a surprise announcement on Twitter. After learning that seven-time Super Bowl champion Tom Brady is a friend and supporter of Donald Trump, Hogg has declared that he will now become a quarterback…

WASHINGTON, D.C.—A U.S. Senator has made what some are calling "an embarrassing mistake" after he shared a New York Times article on Twitter, apparently unaware that The New York Times is a popular fake news site.

The announcement came as a result of an unscripted moment when a reporter relayed to Psaki a question from a concerned citizen back home, “What is President Biden doing for my small business?”

U.S.—With schools still closed in many parts of the country, there weren't many candidates for the Teachers Association of America's coveted Teacher of the Year Award. But one teacher did seem to stand head and shoulders above the rest: YouTube.

CARRIZO SPRINGS, TX—Biden has finally ended the cruel and long-standing Trump practice of keeping migrant kids in cages, and has elected to move them into much more compassionate "high-security metal containment cubes."

WASHINGTON, D.C.—A dangerous conspiracy theorist based in Washington doesn't believe vaccines work, concerned sources reported Tuesday. He spouted his deadly rhetoric in a speech today, going on about how even if Americans get two doses of the vaccine…

U.S.—Media outlets around the country have condemned Florida Governor Ron DeSantis after it was discovered he vaccinated vulnerable seniors-- a population that leans conservative.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Sources in Washington are reporting that after being named as the new chairman of the Senate Budget Committee, Bernie retreated into a quiet office to sit at the computer and quickly Google "what is a budget?"

NASHVILLE, TN—Cancel culture came for the beloved F-35 Stealth Fighter this week after people realized that the 1.7 trillion dollar price tag could have housed the homeless, paid off student loans, or funded 3 or 4 congressional re-election campaigns.

HOLLYWOOD—Addressing growing concerns about open conservative actors daring to express their opinions, West Hollywood’s city council has voted to create a brand-new "Walk of Shame" on Hollywood Boulevard.

MENLO PARK, CA—Google announced today a new addition to the company's array of languages that Google Translate can handle: Joe Biden.

ATLANTA, GA—Coca-Cola held training last week telling its polar bear mascots to be less white, sources within the company confirmed Thursday.

SPRINGFIELD, IL—An Illinois legislator has proposed a bill that would ban Minecraft after a concerning recent rise in kids punching trees to acquire wood.

There’s a lot of talk about “Cancel Culture” these days. That’s when you say something so true, those liberals get all huffy and try to get you fired from your job. Of course, I’m not scared about that. For one thing, I’m retired. And even if they try to…

NASHVILLE, TN - In keeping with the ancient tradition ordained by God, Ben Shapiro is honoring the year of Jubilee and granting freedom to all of the libs that he’s owned over the years. As of today, the libs are released from his authority and are free to…

PAWTUCKET, RI—Hasbro announced today the replacement of its popular G.I. Joe action figure with an updated version that's much more fitting in the current year: G.I. Pat, a genderless take on the action hero.