I thought studying cyber security would protect me from hackers. I didn't know I could be hacked until you came to my life.

YEAH, you hacked me....you hacked my heart, beat faster only when you come to me. You hacked my smile, only appearing when I see you. You hacked my appetite; I can't eat if I lose you.

You hacked me....you locked me and made the Password 'You'. I can't work if u don't come.

I slept

I slept, wearing the dress you loved the most.
Not because I was foolish, but hoping I might meet you in my dream, wishing to smell your presence again.
I just wanted you to admire my dress, to tell me that I look gorgeous. Because that was what you used to do.

Darling, do you remember when I showed you my favorite star in the sky?

you told me no matter how much I loved it, it would stay there.....So far from me.

But I didn't know you decide to be that star💔

Yeah, you don't deserve to be loved and to be cared for. Of course, who are you to be loved? You know that you have been hated by those you loved the most, you have been ignored by those who you cared for the most.You are everyone's Angel, always there when they are down. But everyone is a stranger for you, no one comes in your lowest.Because you don't deserve it!

But he does.....
He deserves to be truly loved. He was the only one who tried to listen to your miserable thought. He was the only one who tried to handle the wind in your mind. He was hurt like you but didn't even hesitate to help you♡. So he deserves it!
Even though you don't deserve to be truly loved, he does. So let him love you, let him protect you and love him the most.

That was what her soul told her when she was about to give up in Love!

I tried to do everything that I thought were good things. I tried to be everyone that I thought were good enough .....I tried to be like they wanted me to be, I tried to be like My favourite person, I even tried to be my self. But I realized It's not worth it. Yeah, how bullshit I was to think I could be successful by being everything....while I am just a loser in literally everything.

Why did I try to be perfect?...just to be lost at the end. They always say, "The moon never begged to be loved." ...Yeah The moon never begged but still loved because ....The moon is perfect....giving light for those who are lost in the dark, the non speaking friend for those who are loney, Stunning as a sun.....JUST PERFECT.

So don't tell me that I didn't have to try....didn't have to try to be perfect ....didn't have to try to be loved......Because I already believed that was my purpose.
And Now, THIS IS WHAT I HAVE TO DO....giving up on everything, stopping trying to be perfect and accepting my self.......Accepting I'm not worthy of Love or success. That's what I have to do and am doing it.

Part 4

It's been 3 months since I saw meldan for the last time ......since I knew she loved me. I tried to find her, to tell her the truth, ..... but I felt like she went to the Jupiter because there was no place I didn't go.

But there she is now, infront of my door. I can't say a word....just staring at her warm brown eyes. "Meldan, What I said about Ruth was all a lie."

She blushes and gives me a little smile. "Trust me, I only love you. I tried to get you. You weren't anywhere. I even thought you went to Jupiter because you love the moon...." She burst into laughter. "So why would I go to Jupiter if I love the moon when I could go to the moon?" she asks.

"Because there are a lot of moons around Jupiter", I say, wondering how she came.

She doesn't stop laughing.
"I will never go  anywhere without you." She says, her voice is steady. "I will go only if you are going with me."

"Why would I go there when my moon is here?" I say, taking her into my arms. "Meldan, I love you. Even if loving you becomes a crime, I will not stop loving you."

"I love you too.....I can't even express it." She says, hugging me tightly. "I like your sister. She told me everything. Txs to her, I came here."


As ur request, I made it a happy ending.😁

And then there he is.....
Wanting other people's money his whole life. All his siblings worked hard and changed their lives,  while he is just him, waiting until his parents die so he can take their money. How can a person be so selfish, bullshit, and arrogant like this?

He would lie, burn the house, and he could even kill a person. Just for money....not for love, not like we see in movies where heros or villains do everything for the people they love.

They say, "villains aren't born, they are created." But he....he wasn't created. You can't even call him villain because he doesn't have a specific reason....a reason to be like this....to be villain.....to hate everyone even those who loved him with out expecting anything in return.
He was just born like this. Calling him a villain is an insult to 'villains'. If there was another word to express "evil that are born this way",  then that's him.

Part 1

Meldan is in her room, rereading her favorite book, Kaleidoscope by Danila Steel. Suddenly her door knocks and her older sister Olivia enters. She is a pretty lady around 30's. Her medium sized black curly hair are tied at her back. "Hey sister, are you still reading?" Olivia says, looking at the book Meldan holds.

"Hi,Emmm actually am about to finish. Do you need something?" Meldan replies, marking her page.

"I just want to ask you something ....." Olivia walks over and sits on the edge of Meldan's bed. "Eeeee Why don't you give a chance for that guy? I mean, he's kinda a good person and you need someone. Meldan, you are 24. I know you know what's best for you, but as a sister, I want to see you with someone who loves you."

"Huh, didn't I tell you not to ask me this again?" Meldan shifts her head to the window next to her bed. "Olivia you want to know the truth, right?......
It's because I don't actually understand LOVE."

Olivia squints her eyes, trying to understand Meldan face.

"Yeah, look at you, olivia. The man you loved for a decade just died, and after a year you forgot him. You are marrying next week. Like....what does this even mean?" Meldan asks, her voice is raw. "I thought Love was forever. Not being together but still thinking about him, even When he dies hoping to meet him and fall in love again in another universe, watching him in your dreams and feeling like he is watching you in heaven....waiting you there in a right time...to meet you again.....I thought this was love." Meldan bits her lips, fighting back tears.
"And when I understood I was wrong ...I realized I don't want it anymore."

Part 2

Olivia stands, staring at the ground. "So do you think I forget Alex?" Her voice is shaking.

"Meldan, I can't forget him. But what's the point? He is gone. He left me. And I am here......life continues."
Olivia says and looks up to Meldan. "I loved him but now it's history. I was hurt....... I thought....I couldn't live with out him. Mark is the only one I have after I lost Alex. He was with me on my worst. When I felt like I am dying, he helped me."

"Meldan, maybe like you said, Alex is watching me in heaven. But I am pretty sure he is happy for me. He never wanted me to be alone. love is knowing you can't be together but still caring for eachother. But I think accepting that you aren't meant to be eachother and moving on is a good thing." Olivia says, showing her a broken smile.

Meldan squints her eyes and says, "So love is not real? It's just a temporary thing?"

"Meldan, don't expect a perfect love.....a love that stays forever like you read in a books or you watch in a movies." Olivia sits in the bed again. "But that doesn't mean love is a temporary thing. If you truly love someone, it will not fade from your heart. No matter what they did to you, no matter if they left you alone, maybe a little part of them will stay in your heart."

Olivia glances at Meldan, to check if she's still hearing.

"Love is experiencing the best moments together. Love is real. Maybe not in the way Romeo loved Juliet, or Jack loved Rose. Not in the way a person fall in love at first sight, with out truly knowing them falling for their look. Not in the way a mother loves her child, just because it's her child. Maybe not in the way I loved Alex.........., falling for the way he had taken care of me. But in the way we loved dandelions as a kid, following them with out knowing their destination, smiling and shouting when we saw them as if we were never happy before, even after we caught them, we let them to fly again by blowing as if we understood they wanted to go."

Then Olivia leaves the room and Meldan opens her book to reread, still confused if she truly understands.

I wrote about everything. About people I loved the most, about those bullshits I hated, about the scary dog I saw on the street, about things that didn't exist.

They weren't perfect writings. They were like ashes scattered in the dessert, broken thoughts. But I didn't care because I just wrote them for my self. And it felt like I was putting the weight I didn't even carried.

But now.....it's like creating pressure in my self, trying to write about you. My pen can't even write your name, while my hand is shaking.

How can I write that I wouldn't care if the sun disappeared, as long as you are with me?

In which way can I explain that meeting you is worth more than drinking cold water in desert or satisfying my hunger?

How can I explain that I need you? But not in the way honeybees need flowers, leaving them after they get what they want.

In which way can I write that your eyes seem like a child the Sun and the moon could have, shining like both.....deep like the moon......too bright like the sun?

How can I explain that you exist in all best memories of mine?

The older sibling I never met!

It started when I was a little girl. I noticed that everyone had a sibling, and I was alone. In the school, whenever I got into fight with my friends, they would get their older brothers and would make me to apologize for mistakes I didn't even make. And I was sad, not having a brother to took side of me. They would tell me stories their older sisters had told them. But they didn't know I was crying inside, wishing if I could have older sister. I always felt like they were trying to remind me I was alone whenever they talked about their older siblings. I always craved the care, the protection and everything from my older sibling I didn't even have.

So I asked my parents if they could get me older siblings and BOOM....They did what they could, giving me younger siblings. And that's when I realized instead of younger sibling with a lot of care and Protection, I am born to be the older sibling I always craved.

But a little girl inside me still wishes to have that 'older sibling' even though I know it's like wishing to make the moon mine. And yeah, I am not Gru in 'Despicable me'😁.

They say today is the last day of the year. I don't know what I should feel, because what do you mean it is the end? I thought I had a time. Time to live my life, to travel the world, to publish my books......to do so many things.

Last year, when the doctor told me I only had one year to live, I thought one year would be long enough to live my dream life and reach my destination. I thanked God and I didn't hate my life even for a second.

But I was wrong. I am not ready to die yet. I have still a lot of things to do, so many ideas to write about, so many places to visit.

Am I being a selfish? Maybe yeah. I can't blame God, because he already granted my wish and gave me one more year. Hmmmm it's not strange. We humans always crave more, even when God gives us what we asked. I may not see the stunning sun tomorrow. I won't celebrate another new year, won't publish my books, won't travel the world. But it's okay, because I am going to meet the Creater of the sun and traveling to a place I couldn't find anywhere on the Universe. If the one who created me wants me, who am I to blame him?

Those of you whom God wants you to live, to see the next morning, to celebrate the new year, Thank him for every blessing he has given you.

Happy Ethiopian new year 🇪🇹🎉🎆🙂
      
⭐2018

More than a necklace

I just lost my necklace,  which had a meaning more than a piece of jewelry. It was a gift from my sister, and I had it for over 4 years. Not just because it was the first and the last gift I received from her, but because I knew how hard she worked to buy it. I didn't even realize it was gone until I saw a picture of my self with out it. And then I checked my neck....... it wasn't there, as if it hadn't lived there, rent free,for a long time. I often get mad when I lose something that belongs to me. Even if it's something unimportant. But now I have lost my favorite thing.

I will be back!

For Nastenka in "White Nights" by FYODOR DOSTOEVSKY

(A girl loved by a broken heart......)


My broken heart loved you, even when it knew your heart is filled by someone else name. You made me feel heard..... you made me feel understood...I think that is why you were special to me. I called your name 70 times until my mind forgot its own. I was lost in your sparkling eyes. When your soft hands held mine, I thought my guardian angel held my hand. I hated my life, and the outside world. I was just a dreamer, living in an imaginary world, without anything real....until I met you that random night. I was only a stranger to you, but you were my everything. I knew your wish was to be loved, to be seen by him...that is why you ran to him the moment he came, right?

You told me I mustn’t fall in love with you. How was that possible, Nastenka? I didn’t just fall in love, I was hurt. Watching you loving someone else broke my broken heart. Nastenka, I wish you could understand how painful it is to love someone who loves someone else.