Sharing imperfect writings & questionable thoughts. Welcome to my creative mess!

🙂:"How do u love me?"

I love you like watching a movie in the rain, reading my best book alone.

I love you like a late night talk with a sibling, drinking coffee in a cozy building.

I love you like studying about the universe, swimming on the top of the earth, living in Edinburgh.

I love you like buying a Franz Kafka's book. Going out at night for a walk.

I love you like going a trip on Friday, love you like my birthday.

For a person that doesn't even exist !

"Everything I like is hated by everyone. The best celebrities are the worst if I am their fan. Nothing is beautiful if I am the one who expresses it. Mona Lisa wouldn't be iconic if I was the Artist. Best poems aren't best poems if I am the one who wrote them. Romeo and Juliet wouldn't be masterpieces if I was William. And she still wonders why I didn't feel bad after she rejected me. While I have been hated by everyone in my life." He said slowly💔

💔I found him but I lost my self

I found my old neighbour, Olivia, at the mall yesterday. She blenched when she saw me. If I didn't see her deep blue eyes and long black curly hair I might not have recognized her. Pain and distress were written in her blue eyes. She had a cute son. She changed a place after her son disappeared. I remember the days we spent searching for him.
"Hey Meldon!" she said, giving me a broken smile.
"Olivia, is that you? You have changed a lot," I replied.

"I know. I look like a pretty ghost, right?" her voice weak and depressed.
I regretted for saying that. "I didn't mean that, Olivia. SORRY!"

"Sorry for what? I don't just look like a ghost, I am a ghost!" She burst into tears. "After I lost my son, I became hopeless, and my life turned dark."
I hugged her, My eyes filling with tears. "Olivia! you will find him. Please don't give up!" She stood out from my hug and said "I wish!... Meldan I wish I didn't know he was died so I could keep going." This time Tears washed down my face as well. "Olivia..I am sorry ..I...."

"I prayed to find my son and I did.... I found him... I found his body.. Meldan you know what? .. I LOST MY SELF WHEN I FOUND HIM" her voice Raw and loud....

You don't need to send me good morning texts to prove your love.I don't need flowers to know that you care about me.I just want you to be with me when I feel down, to understand me when I am crying inside,to hold my hand like you hold your phone on the bus,to love me deeply like a mother lion loves her cub.

Darling I don't want to be your sun....seen but so far.I want to be your sunlight,..fly towards u faster than anything. I want to be your 1st call in trouble,a solution to your problems,to understand you in distress,to be your comfort zone.

For a person that doesn't exist....

Part 1

It's raining, but still, I feel the warmth. Maybe it's because I have my jacket, or maybe my heart is filled with love. I am waiting for Meldan in my car. The love that doesn't know it's mine, that doesn't notice my hints, or just acts like she doesn't notice.

Our appointment is at 2 p.m. I come here at 1 p.m., to prove to her I always come early if she wants me. To show her I wait for her whatever time it takes. I will wait for her until she notices I am madly in love with her, I will wait for her until she understands I like everything about her, I will wait for her until she realizes I am 'The one' for her.

It's 1:30. That's Her car! She arrives before our appointment... That's my girl. She never disappoints me for waiting her.

I get out of my car to meet her. She locks hers and smiles at me, "Dude, wassup?", giving me her hand to shake.

"I am good. Meldan, what about you?" I reply. struggling to keep my voice steady.

"Same! I miss our walk date. That was why I arrived earlier, but I think it's kinda cold today," her voice a little too loud.

"Yeah, it is raining. But I think it's more romantic," I say. She laughs,then immediately brings a hand up to cover her mouth because she's insecure even about her smile. While the only thing that makes me heal from my pain is her laugh...

Suddenly her soft brown eyes meet mine... It's like watching a shinning star, too bright to hold for long. I look away, sweat rising in my palm. She doesn't know that the only thing that  makes me shy is watching into it.

We start walking, leaving our cars behind...

Part 2

"Meldan, I love someone," I say, trying not to look into her warm brown eyes. Her short, straight brown hair perfectly matches her vibe.

"Oh... really? Who is she?" she asks.

"Ruth," I reply, wondering if she feels jealous.

"Ruth! She is pretty, plus so kind," she says, her smile a little too bright.

Her phone rings. She answers it. Even though it's not on speaker, I can hear Emma's voice.

"Meldan! You just decide not to come to your friend's party? How can I even call you my friend," Emma shouts.

"Party? Emma, it's your four-month anniversary with your man! What am I supposed to do? Just enjoy with your man, dear," Meldan says, and hangs up.

I feel proud she wants to spend time with me.

She looks up, "Do you really love her?" she asks. Now I see something in her eyes and the fake smile in her face.

"Nahh Meldan, it was just a prank," I say. She laughs, not the usual one. She doesn't even try to hide it this time.

"I know you for years. I know that's not a prank. I'm just your best friend, why are you so afraid to tell me the truth?" She says, her voice barely a sadness. "Anyway, I'll meet you tomorrow, and we'll talk about it. I have to go now." Her eyes are almost closed, as if she's fighting back tears.

"But you said we'd be together all night," I say, my eyes meeting with her.

"Yeah, but Emma wants me right now... See you tomorrow... Bye bye," she says, and leaves me alone.

Realization hits me...I did something wrong...but at least I know I am more than a friend to her....

Her car disappear from my sight. And I stand there, staring at my car....

Part 3

I get a notification, standing there, as if she will come to me right now....

It says "I thought you were a dumb for not noticing my hints....but I was the dumbest for not understanding what we really are. When you show me you care, when you make me feel special it's because I am your friend. There was nothing more...I am just delusional, right?...I literally loved you even more than I love my self..but for you, I was just a friend. HOW UNLUCKY I AM!

Princesses Diana once said "Everyone loves me except whom I love the most." It's the same happening to me......While everyone says they love me, the one person I love the most loves someone else. I don't wish you a bad life and you know what? I am okay as far as you are!
Ruth and you deserve each other and I wish you all the best!"

I just stand, the rain washing my face....Meldan loves me?...Meldan loves me!.. Ow my God........

I thought studying cyber security would protect me from hackers. I didn't know I could be hacked until you came to my life.

YEAH, you hacked me....you hacked my heart, beat faster only when you come to me. You hacked my smile, only appearing when I see you. You hacked my appetite; I can't eat if I lose you.

You hacked me....you locked me and made the Password 'You'. I can't work if u don't come.

I slept

I slept, wearing the dress you loved the most.
Not because I was foolish, but hoping I might meet you in my dream, wishing to smell your presence again.
I just wanted you to admire my dress, to tell me that I look gorgeous. Because that was what you used to do.

Darling, do you remember when I showed you my favorite star in the sky?

you told me no matter how much I loved it, it would stay there.....So far from me.

But I didn't know you decide to be that star💔

Yeah, you don't deserve to be loved and to be cared for. Of course, who are you to be loved? You know that you have been hated by those you loved the most, you have been ignored by those who you cared for the most.You are everyone's Angel, always there when they are down. But everyone is a stranger for you, no one comes in your lowest.Because you don't deserve it!

But he does.....
He deserves to be truly loved. He was the only one who tried to listen to your miserable thought. He was the only one who tried to handle the wind in your mind. He was hurt like you but didn't even hesitate to help you♡. So he deserves it!
Even though you don't deserve to be truly loved, he does. So let him love you, let him protect you and love him the most.

That was what her soul told her when she was about to give up in Love!

I tried to do everything that I thought were good things. I tried to be everyone that I thought were good enough .....I tried to be like they wanted me to be, I tried to be like My favourite person, I even tried to be my self. But I realized It's not worth it. Yeah, how bullshit I was to think I could be successful by being everything....while I am just a loser in literally everything.

Why did I try to be perfect?...just to be lost at the end. They always say, "The moon never begged to be loved." ...Yeah The moon never begged but still loved because ....The moon is perfect....giving light for those who are lost in the dark, the non speaking friend for those who are loney, Stunning as a sun.....JUST PERFECT.

So don't tell me that I didn't have to try....didn't have to try to be perfect ....didn't have to try to be loved......Because I already believed that was my purpose.
And Now, THIS IS WHAT I HAVE TO DO....giving up on everything, stopping trying to be perfect and accepting my self.......Accepting I'm not worthy of Love or success. That's what I have to do and am doing it.

Part 4

It's been 3 months since I saw meldan for the last time ......since I knew she loved me. I tried to find her, to tell her the truth, ..... but I felt like she went to the Jupiter because there was no place I didn't go.

But there she is now, infront of my door. I can't say a word....just staring at her warm brown eyes. "Meldan, What I said about Ruth was all a lie."

She blushes and gives me a little smile. "Trust me, I only love you. I tried to get you. You weren't anywhere. I even thought you went to Jupiter because you love the moon...." She burst into laughter. "So why would I go to Jupiter if I love the moon when I could go to the moon?" she asks.

"Because there are a lot of moons around Jupiter", I say, wondering how she came.

She doesn't stop laughing.
"I will never go  anywhere without you." She says, her voice is steady. "I will go only if you are going with me."

"Why would I go there when my moon is here?" I say, taking her into my arms. "Meldan, I love you. Even if loving you becomes a crime, I will not stop loving you."

"I love you too.....I can't even express it." She says, hugging me tightly. "I like your sister. She told me everything. Txs to her, I came here."


As ur request, I made it a happy ending.😁

And then there he is.....
Wanting other people's money his whole life. All his siblings worked hard and changed their lives,  while he is just him, waiting until his parents die so he can take their money. How can a person be so selfish, bullshit, and arrogant like this?

He would lie, burn the house, and he could even kill a person. Just for money....not for love, not like we see in movies where heros or villains do everything for the people they love.

They say, "villains aren't born, they are created." But he....he wasn't created. You can't even call him villain because he doesn't have a specific reason....a reason to be like this....to be villain.....to hate everyone even those who loved him with out expecting anything in return.
He was just born like this. Calling him a villain is an insult to 'villains'. If there was another word to express "evil that are born this way",  then that's him.

Part 1

Meldan is in her room, rereading her favorite book, Kaleidoscope by Danila Steel. Suddenly her door knocks and her older sister Olivia enters. She is a pretty lady around 30's. Her medium sized black curly hair are tied at her back. "Hey sister, are you still reading?" Olivia says, looking at the book Meldan holds.

"Hi,Emmm actually am about to finish. Do you need something?" Meldan replies, marking her page.

"I just want to ask you something ....." Olivia walks over and sits on the edge of Meldan's bed. "Eeeee Why don't you give a chance for that guy? I mean, he's kinda a good person and you need someone. Meldan, you are 24. I know you know what's best for you, but as a sister, I want to see you with someone who loves you."

"Huh, didn't I tell you not to ask me this again?" Meldan shifts her head to the window next to her bed. "Olivia you want to know the truth, right?......
It's because I don't actually understand LOVE."

Olivia squints her eyes, trying to understand Meldan face.

"Yeah, look at you, olivia. The man you loved for a decade just died, and after a year you forgot him. You are marrying next week. Like....what does this even mean?" Meldan asks, her voice is raw. "I thought Love was forever. Not being together but still thinking about him, even When he dies hoping to meet him and fall in love again in another universe, watching him in your dreams and feeling like he is watching you in heaven....waiting you there in a right time...to meet you again.....I thought this was love." Meldan bits her lips, fighting back tears.
"And when I understood I was wrong ...I realized I don't want it anymore."