I had to go to a medical facility today for an appointment, the braindead Mexicans who worked there waited until I drove 35 mins to tell me I was missing a document instead of letting me know via email or on the phone. They didnβt give me any other options and wanted me to reschedule to an additional 3 weeks. Naturally I chimped out and cried and forced them listen to me until a white woman appeared out of the fog to give me a quick and fair solution. I will never go to a hospital again but the amount of retards in the medical field is astronomical. I canβt imagine being a mom and having to do regular hospital visits or some shit, they should be avoided at all costs
I don't connect to the modern immigrant label. I've done it many times with my family until they settled somewhere familiar while i continued floating around. There wasnβt clear trauma or rife hardship in an existential sense, it just happened to my reoccurring reality and I sort of enjoyed the alienation. Anecdotally as a 3rd culture kid transplanted into various school systems i remember my aversion to standing up and singing national anthems, not out of anger or resentment but the thought of identifying myself was frightening. I liked to observe rather than adopt whatever culture i spawned in that year, not even my own.
The experience in America has been the most interesting so far. The zeitgeist fluctuates rapidly for better or worse but one constant remains: people have an intense fondness to wear identities on their sleeve, itβs a form of capital and becomes a 0 sum game. This is primarily my disagreement with American leftists and social justice movements, their concept of identifying themselves is completely foreign to me and borders on absurdity. There is a strong mechanism in the culture that has probably existed throughout time but seems to exist stronger now that involves willfully lying to yourself about certain real observable phenomena while forcing everyone else to bear witness like a hostage crisis. All of them are unaware their movements and protests are astroturf grassroots by stealthy organizations, this is evident among my age range; their minds are automated to be submissively and compliantly rebellious. My divorce from the status quo or consensus from the masses results in an aloof and cruel worldview, but i think it has served me because it gives you distance and allows you to notice things people otherwise wouldn't or would deny. Especially within my background where I have endless cultural and religious phenomena to disparage, it's uncomfortable internalizing my association with other "immigrants" here. Society naturally reduces people into demographic abstractions, only the ones superior to the statistic are worth the American label.
Recently i felt a growing compensatory impulse within me out of desperation to be a normal unfragmented member of my environment, though I'm not sure it's possible. My early affinity for Russian literature, Soviet/post-Soviet stories was mostly because they possessed the spirit of optimists masquerading as cynics, whereas most people I've met are cynics masquerading as optimists. I found the former to be a substantive, authentic, and productive disposition in my opinion. I arrived here at what feels like the most schizophrenic time in American history, realities seem stacked on top of each other and the country functions as a mass mob where people are connected digitally and pulled in different directions everyday, so it's not possible for society to be cohesive. Thinking about identity is a sign I'm probably becoming more American
The experience in America has been the most interesting so far. The zeitgeist fluctuates rapidly for better or worse but one constant remains: people have an intense fondness to wear identities on their sleeve, itβs a form of capital and becomes a 0 sum game. This is primarily my disagreement with American leftists and social justice movements, their concept of identifying themselves is completely foreign to me and borders on absurdity. There is a strong mechanism in the culture that has probably existed throughout time but seems to exist stronger now that involves willfully lying to yourself about certain real observable phenomena while forcing everyone else to bear witness like a hostage crisis. All of them are unaware their movements and protests are astroturf grassroots by stealthy organizations, this is evident among my age range; their minds are automated to be submissively and compliantly rebellious. My divorce from the status quo or consensus from the masses results in an aloof and cruel worldview, but i think it has served me because it gives you distance and allows you to notice things people otherwise wouldn't or would deny. Especially within my background where I have endless cultural and religious phenomena to disparage, it's uncomfortable internalizing my association with other "immigrants" here. Society naturally reduces people into demographic abstractions, only the ones superior to the statistic are worth the American label.
Recently i felt a growing compensatory impulse within me out of desperation to be a normal unfragmented member of my environment, though I'm not sure it's possible. My early affinity for Russian literature, Soviet/post-Soviet stories was mostly because they possessed the spirit of optimists masquerading as cynics, whereas most people I've met are cynics masquerading as optimists. I found the former to be a substantive, authentic, and productive disposition in my opinion. I arrived here at what feels like the most schizophrenic time in American history, realities seem stacked on top of each other and the country functions as a mass mob where people are connected digitally and pulled in different directions everyday, so it's not possible for society to be cohesive. Thinking about identity is a sign I'm probably becoming more American