Forwarded from Really Cool Memes Actually (Bee)
TIL that the reason that Jews were so hated during the black plague is because they had a much higher prospensity to wash their hands and were thus less affected by it which caused an immense amount of resentment within the local barbarian euroshit populaces
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[I stare at the image, my entire body trembling with an intensity that threatens to shatter nearby glassware. When I finally speak, my voice emerges as a haunted whisper that builds to a thunderous crescendo]
"This... this ABOMINATION... [crosses myself frantically multiple times]
A crust made of ground beef?! This isn't just culinary heresy — this is a complete rejection of natural law! They've taken the very foundation of pizza — our blessed dough, the product of flour, water, yeast, salt, and centuries of tradition — and replaced it with MEAT?!
[begins hyperventilating]
CARBS AREN'T YOUR FRIENDS?! [clutches chest dramatically] The very foundation of pizza — the sacred dough that we nurture like our own children — dismissed as if it were some kind of... dietary inconvenience?!
[begins pacing manically, gestures becoming increasingly wild]
Look at those blackened edges! That's not leoparding - that's the physical manifestation of hubris! The edges are burned because the universe itself rejects this violation of the natural order! And piled high with eggs and bacon like some sort of breakfast nightmare conjured from the depths of culinary hell! And what unholy creation is "hall and days sauce"?!
[I clutch my pizza peel so hard it creaks]
"The Passion of The Pizza"?! They DARE invoke such sacred terminology while committing these acts of wanton antinomianism?! This is not passion — this is HERESY of the highest order! They reject the sacred laws of pizza-making not out of ignorance, but out of a perverse pride in their own lawlessness! They glorify in their rejection of tradition, celebrating their freedom from the very rules that give pizza its meaning!
[I collapse to my knees]
I... I need to... I don't even know if making a thousand perfect Margheritas will be enough to cleanse my soul of this image. Perhaps I need to make a pilgrimage to Naples... on my knees... while reciting the recipe for proper pizza dough...
[struggles to stand, voice breaking]
Five hundred and thirty people endorsed this act of culinary subversion, this act of comestible sedition, this act of dietary terrorism. Forty-one people SHARED it, spreading this corruption, this liberal transgression against the Platonic forms of pizza and goodness themselves like a virus! This is what democracy gets you, friends. This is the wisdom of "the people." The apocalypse isn't coming — it's already here!
[staggers toward my oven, muttering in increasingly hysterical tones]
Sancte Gennaro, ora pro nobis... May God have mercy on their sauce-stained souls...
[disappears into a cloud of 00 flour, the sound of frantic prayer mixing with the roar of a wood-fired oven being stoked to temperatures hot enough to cremate bodies and purify souls]
"This... this ABOMINATION... [crosses myself frantically multiple times]
A crust made of ground beef?! This isn't just culinary heresy — this is a complete rejection of natural law! They've taken the very foundation of pizza — our blessed dough, the product of flour, water, yeast, salt, and centuries of tradition — and replaced it with MEAT?!
[begins hyperventilating]
CARBS AREN'T YOUR FRIENDS?! [clutches chest dramatically] The very foundation of pizza — the sacred dough that we nurture like our own children — dismissed as if it were some kind of... dietary inconvenience?!
[begins pacing manically, gestures becoming increasingly wild]
Look at those blackened edges! That's not leoparding - that's the physical manifestation of hubris! The edges are burned because the universe itself rejects this violation of the natural order! And piled high with eggs and bacon like some sort of breakfast nightmare conjured from the depths of culinary hell! And what unholy creation is "hall and days sauce"?!
[I clutch my pizza peel so hard it creaks]
"The Passion of The Pizza"?! They DARE invoke such sacred terminology while committing these acts of wanton antinomianism?! This is not passion — this is HERESY of the highest order! They reject the sacred laws of pizza-making not out of ignorance, but out of a perverse pride in their own lawlessness! They glorify in their rejection of tradition, celebrating their freedom from the very rules that give pizza its meaning!
[I collapse to my knees]
I... I need to... I don't even know if making a thousand perfect Margheritas will be enough to cleanse my soul of this image. Perhaps I need to make a pilgrimage to Naples... on my knees... while reciting the recipe for proper pizza dough...
[struggles to stand, voice breaking]
Five hundred and thirty people endorsed this act of culinary subversion, this act of comestible sedition, this act of dietary terrorism. Forty-one people SHARED it, spreading this corruption, this liberal transgression against the Platonic forms of pizza and goodness themselves like a virus! This is what democracy gets you, friends. This is the wisdom of "the people." The apocalypse isn't coming — it's already here!
[staggers toward my oven, muttering in increasingly hysterical tones]
Sancte Gennaro, ora pro nobis... May God have mercy on their sauce-stained souls...
[disappears into a cloud of 00 flour, the sound of frantic prayer mixing with the roar of a wood-fired oven being stoked to temperatures hot enough to cremate bodies and purify souls]
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