What did he mean by this carpbros

"according to the datae, we anticipate a (shuffles papers) potential liklihood of THE EVENT within THE AREA"
"What can we do?"
*metamorphoses into napoleon bonaparte* "there is nothing we can do"

The Onion staff hit with layoffs. They went too hard satirizing Biden. They’re owned by the same media conglomerate who owns Univision. But naturally these media giants are very reluctant to associate with anything radical. This was damage control. The onion has been churning out bangers lately.

"The whole of Nature is a mighty struggle between strength and weakness, an eternal victory of the strong over the weak."

Literally bibi

Old cultural revolution joke: three men share a cell in Beijing, discussing their crimes. One says "I'm here because I supported Deng Xiaoping." The next says "That's funny - I'm here because I opposed Deng Xiaoping." The third says simply "I am Deng Xiaoping."

homophobia is actually really funny imagine a camp accent guy screaming while being burnt at the stake