Doctor: "I think you should avoid eating anything fatty."

Patient: "Like what? Pizzas? Hamburgers?"

Doctor: "No, fatty. Don't eat at all."

#wordplay
@Sickipedia

What has four legs but cannot walk?
Half a spider.

#other
@Sickipedia

I got a message in a bottle the other day
I couldn’t read it cos the bottle was on fire and hurled through my window but I got the message

#wordplay
@Sickipedia

What do computers eat?
Chips!

#wordplay
@Sickipedia

What’s the most innocent way to protest against capitalism?
just type in small letters :’)

#wordplay
@Sickipedia

My doctor told me that the radiation from my laptop has damaged my sperm….
Felt like letting him know how badly my sperm has damaged my laptop…

#sexandshit
@Sickipedia

All the fraternities in my college rejected me because I was circumcised.
Apparently you need to be a complete dick to get in.

#wordplay
@Sickipedia

Honestly, I don’t get why a circle is a shape
It’s not like a triangle or a square, it’s completely pointless

#wordplay
@Sickipedia

My girlfriend just told me she’s had a Brazilian
I’m not good with numbers but that sounds like a fucking lot to me

#wordplay
@Sickipedia

What's a 10 letter word that starts with g-a-s
Automobile

#wordplay
@Sickipedia

Why do programmers prefer dark-mode?
Because light attracts bugs.

#wordplay
@Sickipedia

Politics are like sex
If the only thing you know about it comes from your family, you're doing it wrong.

#sexandshit
@Sickipedia

My girlfriend always said that the male genitalia is not attractive, so I decided to cover my balls in mascara, eyeshadow and glitter. I'm pretty sure she liked it.
As soon as she saw them she said "Wow, that's pretty nuts."

#wordplay
@Sickipedia

A blonde boards the plane, and proceeds to take a window seat…

A guy walks in right behind her, and says: “I’m sorry but you’re in my seat”, to which the blonde responds: “Get lost.”

The guy: “Oh yeah?! Then I hope you know how to fly the plane.”

#other
@Sickipedia

I once lived just a stone's throw away from a family
who all died of mysterious head injuries

#other
@Sickipedia

A priest, a monk, and a rabbit walk in to a clinic to donate blood.
The rabbit says, "I think I might be a type-o."

#wordplay
@Sickipedia

What do you call a woman that sets her credit card bills on fire?
Bernadette.

#wordplay
@Sickipedia

What do you call a Jewish muscle t-shirt?
Muscle Top!

#wordplay
@Sickipedia

Stop looking for the perfect match

use a lighter!

#wordplay
@Sickipedia

My wife complain that I only last for like two minutes in bed..
But it was in doggystyle, so that's like 14 minutes in dog minutes?!

#other
@Sickipedia

A man walked into a Men's Warehouse and an employee asked if he needed any help trying on suits. He said "No thanks."
The employee said "suit yourself."

#wordplay
@Sickipedia