We sent Admin 4 out to collect evidence of the Yeti and he came back with whatever this is

Here we go

I'm voting this will be a nothingburger

It's been 5 minutes and we've already pulled out the "Iran definitely has nukes guys I swear" excuse

I've seen this one before!

What is this dude yapping about

This announcement has been:
-we are now entirely independent of the Middle East, we don't need their oil
-we're still there to help them though
-we don't need them though
-Iran had to be stopped from developing nukes which they would've had if it wasn't for me
-We've destroyed their navy and air force (actually true for once) and almost destroyed their missile capacity (doubt it)
-America has the strongest economy ever with no inflation (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA)
-did I mention that we definitely destroyed their missile capacity?

The Hormuz Strait being closed apparently isn't a problem actually because we produce so much oil that we don't need any of it, so we don't really care if it opens but if everybody else wants oil from the Strait they should probably work to open it (which we'd help with y'know) or go ahead and buy it from the US wink wink nudge nudge

"America is going to accomplish our military objectives very shortly"

"two to three more weeks at least"

3 DAY SPECIAL MILITARY OPERATION IS REAL