You ever feel everything all at once ? But you dont accept any of them so you are feeling nothing. Like i just feel null , as if there is something that I should be feeling that im not. But the same time im dittoing every experience that comes my way , every feeling parried with a reflection. I dont even know which facet of my existence is me … like if you put me alone i don’t know if id have a personality. And yet with everyone as well i dont feel like me.
I want to cut everything off. But at the same time i think i need help from someone. But also then i dont want them to fix me cus this turmoily shit is just so familiar, like idk how to be normal like what do yall even do? This tango feels like im doing something with my life , even if its oscillating around a baseline emotion based on outside impulses, like im humanning, right ? I feel like i am ? But then i see people that actually have genuine feelings , genuine personality. Not a meatsack with an algorithm that maximizes relatability to continue its existence.
I deeply need intimacy but at the same time fear it , cus its just so foreign.
Like i dont have neural weights for that yet. And so i dont even attempt it even though it literally hurts so fucking fucking bad to be lonely. When it happens I sabotage myself. I literally go fight or flight and push them away.
Idk what im feeling and don’t expect a response tbh. Fr tho im running out of “its just how things are”s.
I dont fkn know man.
I want to cut everything off. But at the same time i think i need help from someone. But also then i dont want them to fix me cus this turmoily shit is just so familiar, like idk how to be normal like what do yall even do? This tango feels like im doing something with my life , even if its oscillating around a baseline emotion based on outside impulses, like im humanning, right ? I feel like i am ? But then i see people that actually have genuine feelings , genuine personality. Not a meatsack with an algorithm that maximizes relatability to continue its existence.
I deeply need intimacy but at the same time fear it , cus its just so foreign.
Like i dont have neural weights for that yet. And so i dont even attempt it even though it literally hurts so fucking fucking bad to be lonely. When it happens I sabotage myself. I literally go fight or flight and push them away.
Idk what im feeling and don’t expect a response tbh. Fr tho im running out of “its just how things are”s.
I dont fkn know man.
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Come watch me build an exploratory analysis of data with D3 and svelte.
https://youtube.com/live/eXmaYgGXYl8
Make sure to follow the project im working on at https://twitter.com/secondstoryio
https://youtube.com/live/eXmaYgGXYl8
Make sure to follow the project im working on at https://twitter.com/secondstoryio
YouTube
Building an exploratory analysis of IOT data using D3 and svelte
Go follow https://twitter.com/secondstoryio to for updates on what we will be working on.
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Im thinking of substituting reading novels instead of instagram reels, suggest some good books youve read ( no self help lol i want to unwind with a good story not regrind after a hard day )
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