Changing the wallpaper on my phone after a while makes me feel like I got a new phone.

@PensivePost #RandomThoughts

A solar eclipse is the moon going on strike from its job.

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Microsoft sounds more like a blanket company.

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Compared to horror movies, Ted is the best case scenario for a stuffed animal coming to life.

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Cows would probably be mad if they find out that we squeeze their udders to make money and not for personal massages.

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In order to fall asleep you must first pretend to sleep.

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If all of us were to have enough sleep, the whole world would be in a much different state than now

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Fire trucks are actually water trucks

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Knowledge is knowing tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

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Companies should send you a read receipt when you apply for a job on their website

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Banks are kind of weird. "Give us all your money to store here and we promise we'll give it back"

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Time flies when you are having fun, but if you are a frog, time is fun when you're having flies

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I've opened my phones calendar accidently to use my calculator more than I've opened it to plan my calendar.

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We say "www" even though "World Wide Web" is three times shorter to say.

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@Bluntly I like this even though it's so badly edited 😂

Do you think woodpeckers get really bad headaches?

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The thought of a hidden camera in my room freaks me out but I have my phone's camera looking at me almost 24/7.

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Hearing a song on the radio is way better than hearing it when you choose to play it

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Allergies are when your body decides to dislike something instead of your brain

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Muting an ad feels like winning

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@PensivePost Damn!