can't wait to get past whatever the fucking fuck this fuck ass stage is in my life rn because genuinely what the fuck.

these days

the last drops of life
seem to be draining
from somewhere deep within the layers of my soul,

and still,
giving up is not an option.

when all my thoughts & brain cells
are screaming,
clawing at one another,
I soothe myself in silence.

when I refuse to sleep,
the night comes after me & leaves its shadow
beneath my eyes.

when my eyes burn & sting
like a salt sea
filled with tears
that never quite arrive,
I brush a hand across them
and carry on.

the remedy for this weariness
is neither sleep
nor rest.
it is an ending.

the moment
all of this is finally over.

and then
I'll be a bird
in the open sky,
a fish
in the endless ocean,

and for the first time in a long while,
I'll breathe.

- HST . hot summer night,
mid-July, 2026

وقتی تو ماشین یکی میشینم که قبلا رانندگیشو ندیدم، یه جوری هی دست‌و‌پامو منقبض میکنم انگار میتونم ماشینو کنترل کنم

هم میخوام این یه هفته ای زودتر تموم شه، هم نمیخوام هیچوقت پنجشنبه هفته بعد بشه

memories feel like weapons
god rest my soul, I miss who I used to be

✮⋆˙ اگه شما هم هیتر شیپ فیلیپ کرین ناعزیز و الوییز بریجرتون عزیز هستید + عزادار مایکل استرلینگ کتاب هستید، این پیام رو فور کنید فولدر درست کنم هم رو پیدا کنیم.

‍ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ . ‌✉️ྀི Dear. @NotesLake ,,🪽

I'm not feeling like myself and nothing ever seems to help. went to the doctor and she said I was fine but every movie that I see makes me cry.

It's like somebody put a weight on my chest. I should talk to a friend but I can't get out of bed. my head is spinning and my stomach is sick.