LOS ANGELES, CA — Several news crews raced to the scene of a reported shooting this morning to determine whether details of the shooting might prove politically useful or not.

"I'm Dana Stormcloud with ABC 7 News, and I'm here at the scene of a horrific mass shooting that took place right on this street corner," said one reporter. "Wait--I'm getting reports that the shooter was an illegal immigrant. Ok, never mind! Pack it up, people! Nothing to see here!"

News crews quickly left the scene of the crime, only to slam their brakes and rush back to the scene after reports that the illegal immigrant was a Trump supporter.

"Many in the community are wondering whether Donald Trump's inflammatory rhetoric could have led to this unthinkable slaughter," said Dake Thimblesatch, local reporter for CBS. "Oh wait, I'm just now hearing that the shooter was transgender. Never mind then! False alarm, everybody!"
https://babylonbee.com/news/journalists-rush-to-scene-of-shooting-to-determine-whether-its-politically-useful/

"Listen here — it's not my job to stand here and answer your questions all day like some sort of press secretary," said Jean-Pierre while furiously flipping through her 3-ring binder to find a pre-written comeback that would shut the journalists down once and for all. "For goodness' sake, I'm a human being, not some wind-up toy or magic 8-ball you can shake up and ask whatever question you want to! What do you take me for? A member of the White House communications team?"
https://babylonbee.com/news/karine-jean-pierre-insists-its-not-her-job-to-answer-questions-like-some-sort-of-press-secretary/

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