A traveling salesman rings this doorbell.
10 year old little Johnny opens the door, holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar.
The salesman says, "Little boy is your mother home?"
Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, "What do you think?"
https://t.me/MkNotes/721

How Sophia the robot copies human facial expressions - CNN Style
https://www.cnn.com/style/article/sophia-robot-artificial-intelligence-smart-creativity/index.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+rss%2Fedition_world+%28RSS%3A+CNNi+-+World%29

Maz Jobrani: humanizing immigrants through comedy - CNN
https://edition-m.cnn.com/2018/11/13/middleeast/maz-jobrani-immigration-and-comedy/index.html

Rape
Herblock, Washington Post, 1984
https://t.me/MkNotes/724

Man O Man
When without money, eats wild vegetables at home
When has money, eats same wild vegetables in fine restaurant.

When without money, rides bicycle;
When has money, rides exercise machine.

When without money, walks to earn food
When has money, walks to lose the fat

Man O Man! never fails to deceive thyself!

When without money, wishes to get married;
When has money, wishes to get divorced.

When without money, wife becomes secretary;
When has money, secretary becomes wife.

When without money, acts like rich man;
When has money, acts like poor man.

Man, O Man, never can tell the simple truth!

Says share market is bad but keeps speculating;
Says money is evil but keeps accumulating.
Says high positions are lonely but keeps wanting them.

Man O Man ! Never means what he says and never says what he means!

https://t.me/MkNotes/725

Moods of a Woman:
An angel of truth and a dream of fiction,
a woman is a bundle of contradiction,
she's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse,
but will tackle her boyfriend alone in the house.
Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose,
she'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose,
she'll win you in rage, enchant you in silk,
she'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk,
at times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad,
she'll hate you like poison, and love you like mad.

Moods of a Man: Horny Hungry Thirsty Sleepy
https://t.me/MkNotes/726

Smoking Pot
https://t.me/MkNotes/727

Travel Risk Map 2019: Iran as safe as the UK and Slovenia, Denmark and Switzerland among world's least dangerous countries | The Independent
https://www.independent.co.uk/travel/news-and-advice/travel-risk-map-2019-worlds-safest-dangerous-countries-to-visit-iran-uk-slovenia-denmark-a8644646.html?utm_medium=Social&utm_source=Facebook&fbclid=IwAR2vodTeSHQOFnO6tto82I6jokWfchgYRX-B4s7ysrPqAMEDWlJ1uzoFB5s#Echobox=1542835064

A man and his wife were sitting at a table at her high school Reunion, and the wife kept staring at a drunken man swigging his Drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
The man asked the wife, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he Hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" the man said, "Who would think a person could go on Celebrating that long?"

https://t.me/MkNotes/730

When the English settlers landed in Australia, they noticed a strange animal that jumped extremely high and far. They asked the aboriginal people using body language and signs trying to ask them about this animal. They responded with “Kan Ghu Ru” the English then adopted the word kangaroo. What the aboriginal people were really trying to say was: “we don’t understand you”, “ Kan Ghu Ru”.

https://t.me/MkNotes/735

A statue in a park with a soldier on a horse with its 2 feet in the air
means the soldier died in combat.
If the horse has only 1 foot in the air, the soldier died of injuries from combat.
If the horse has all 4 feet on the ground, the soldier died of natural causes.
https://t.me/MkNotes/737

Two weeks ago was my 44th birthday and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning. I went down to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say "Happy Birthday" and probably have a present for me. She didn't even say "Good Morning", let alone any "Happy Birthday." I thought, "Well, that's wives for you. The children will remember. "The children came down to breakfast and didn't say a word.

When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet said, "Good Morning, Boss, Happy Birthday." I felt a little better. Someone had remembered. I worked until noon, then Janet knocked on my door and said, "You know it is such a beautiful day outside and it is your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me." I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go.

We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go. We went out into the country to a little private place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously. On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it is such a beautiful day, we don't need to go back to the office, do we?" I said, "No, I guess not." She said, "Let's go to my apartment."

After arriving at her apartment she said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable. Sure," I excitedly replied. She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes she came out carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife, children and dozens of our friends. They were all singing Happy Birthday.......and there I sat on the couch.......naked

https://t.me/MkNotes/738

After 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood, the mailman was going to retire. When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family who roundly and soundly congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.

At the second house, they presented him with a box of fine cigars.

The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door and up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced!

When he had enough, they went downstairs where she fixed him a giant breakfast; eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice.

When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.

'All of this was just too wonderful for words', he said; 'But what's the dollar for'?

'Well', she said, 'last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you, and he said; 'Screw him. Give him a dollar'. 'The breakfast was my idea!!'

https://t.me/MkNotes/739

Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die?
* his last battle

Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
* at the bottom of the page

Q3. River Ravi flows in which state?
* liquid

Q4. What is the main reason for divorce?
* marriage

Q5. What is the main reason for failure?
* exams

Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast?
* Lunch & dinner

Q7. What looks like half an apple?
* The other half

Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
* it will simply become wet

Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ?
* No problem, he sleeps at night.

Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
* You will never find an elephant that has only one hand..

Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples
and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ?
* Very large hands

Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a
wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
* No time at all, the wall is already built.

Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
*Concrete floors are very hard to crack.
https://t.me/MkNotes/740

Mommy Ate It
For weeks a six-year-old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.
One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.
The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?"
Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"

https://t.me/MkNotes/741

I OWE MY MOTHER!!

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4.My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12 My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14 . My mother taught me about BEHAVIO R MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get i t when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!

https://t.me/MkNotes/742

The Thief
https://t.me/MkNotes/743

A man and his wife were sitting at a table at her high school Reunion, and the wife kept staring at a drunken man swigging his Drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
The man asked the wife, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he Hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" the man said, "Who would think a person could go on Celebrating that long?"

https://t.me/MkNotes/745