An old Moslem lives close to New York City for more than 40 years. He would love to plant potatoes in his garden, but he is alone, old and weak. His son is in college in Paris, so the old man sends him an e-mail. He explains the problem:
"Beloved son, I am very sad, because I can't plant potatoes in my garden. I am sure, if only you were here, you helped me and dug up the garden for me. I love you, your father."

The following day, the old man receives response e-mail from his son:
"Beloved father, please don't touch the garden. It's there that I have hidden 'the THING'.
I love you, too, Ahmed".

At 4pm the US Army, the Marines, the FBI, the CIA and the Rangers visit the house of the old man, take the whole garden apart, search every inch, but can't find anything.
Disappointed they leave the house.

Another day later, the old man receives another e-mail from his son. "Beloved father, I hope the garden is dug up by now and you can plant your potatoes. That's all I could do for you from here.
I love you,
Ahmed."

Money isn't everything

It can buy a house, but not a home.
It can buy a bed, but not sleep.
It can buy a clock, but not time.
It can buy you a book, but not knowledge.
It can buy you a position, but not respect.
It can buy you medicine, but not health.
It can buy you blood, but not life.
It can buy you sex, but not love.

So you see, money isn't everything...

I tell you all this because I am your friend, and as your friend I want to take away your pain and suffering... so send me all your money, and I will suffer for you.

A truer friend than me you will never find...

Helpdesk: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter " a ", but how do I get the circle around it?

A customer couldn't get on the Internet: -
Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes I'm sure. I watched my colleague do it.
Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah ... that one does work!

We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

This memo is to announce the development of a new software system which is known as 'Millennia Year Application Software System' (MYASS).

Next Monday there will be a meeting in which I will show MYASS to everyone. We will hold demonstrations throughout the month so that all employees will have an opportunity to get a good look at MYASS. We have not addressed networking aspects yet, so currently only one person at a time can use MYASS. This restriction will be removed after MYASS expands.

Some employees have begun using the program already. This morning I walked into a subordinate's office and was not surprised to find that he had his nose buried in MYASS. Some of the less technical people may be somewhat afraid of MYASS. Last week my secretary said to me, 'I'm a little nervous, I never put anything in MYASS before.' I helped her through the first time and afterward she admitted that it was relatively painless and she was actually looking forward to doing it again, and was even ready to kiss MYASS.

There have been concerns over the virus that was found in MYASS upon initial installation, but the virus has been eliminated and we were able to save MYASS. In the future, however, protection will be required prior to entering MYASS. This database will encompass all information associated with the business.

As you begin using the program, feel free to put anything you want in MYASS. As MYASS grows larger, we envision a time when it will be commonplace for a supervisor to hand work to an employee and say, 'here, stick this in MYASS.' It will be a great day when we need data quickly and our employees can respond, 'Here it is, I just pulled it out of MYASS.'

Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

HE'S GOT THE WHOLE WORLD IN HIS HANDS
👇👇👇👇

HE'S GOT THE WHOLE WORLD IN HIS HANDS.

#Work For It.

#knack #My #Sharona
https://t.me/MKClips/101

#Police #Dont #Stand So #Close
https://t.me/MKClips/102

STUDENT: I ain't going.
TEACHER: That is not correct. Listen: I am not going. We are not going. You are not going. They are not going. Now do you understand?
STUDENT: Sure, teacher. Nobody ain't going.

How is an English teacher like a judge?
They both hand out sentences.

https://t.me/MkNotes/3

What's the longest sentence in English?
"I do"

https://t.me/MkNotes/3

He got the action, he got the motion
Oh yeah, the boy can play
Dedication, devotion
Turning all the night time into the day

Walk of life , Dire Straits
Here comes Johnny singing oldies, goldies
Be, bop, a, lua, baby, what I say
Here comes Johnny singing I gotta woman
Down in the tunnels, trying to make it pay

He got the action, he got the motion
Oh yeah, the boy can play
Dedication, devotion
Turning all the night time into the day

He do the song about the sweet lovin? woman
He do the song about the knife
He do the walk, do the walk of life
Yeah, he do the walk of life

Here comes Johnny, gonna tell you the story
Hand me down my walkin? shoes
Here come Johnny with the power and the glory
Backbeat the talkin? blues

He got the action, he got the motion
Oh yeah, the boy can play
Dedication, devotion
Turning all the night time into the day

He do the song about the sweet lovin? woman
He do the song about the knife
Then he do the walk, do the walk of life
Yeah, he do the walk of life

Here comes Johnny singing oldies, goldies
Be, bop, a, lula, baby, what I say
Here comes Johnny singing I gotta woman
Down in the tunnels, trying to make it pay

He got the action, he got the motion
Oh yeah, the boy can play
Dedication, devotion
Turning all the night time into the day

And after all the violence and double talk
There?s just a song in all the trouble and the strife
You do the walk, yeah, you do the walk of life
You do the walk of life
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kd9TlGDZGkI
👇🏿👇🏿👇🏿👇🏿👇🏿👇🏿👇🏿👇🏿👇🏿👇🏿
https://t.me/MKClips/105

Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity.

Applications such as Pokernight 10.3, DrunkenBoys Night 2.5 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications.

I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but uninstall does not work on this program. Can you help me, please!!!

Thanks,
Joe Luckystrike

Dear Joe,
This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT" program.

Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but and up with more problems than the original system.
Look in your manual under "Warnings-Alimony/Child Support." I recommend you keep Wife 1.0
and just deal with the situation.

Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Failures (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE.

In any case avoid excessive use of the "Esc" key because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance.

Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 5.0. Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a support application with Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system, especially for those of you who have not completely uninstalled Girlfriend 7.0 from their system.

Best of luck,
Cash On delivery
https://t.me/MkNotes/371

👆👆👆👆
Check Her English
1970 Born in Slovenia
1988-9 University of Ljubljana
1996 Moved to New York
2001 Green Card
2005 Married Trump
2006 U.S. Citizenship
2017 The U.S. First Lady