Classic short stories that introduce American literature to intermediate English learners.
My First Selection, O Henry.
1. 'Hearts and Crosses,' by O. Henry, Part One
2. The Caliph, Cupid and the Clock by O. Henry
3. 'Mammon and the Archer' by O. Henry
4. 'One Thousand Dollars,' by O. Henry
5. 'The Gift of the Magi,' by O. Henry
6. Two Thanksgiving Day Gentlemen by O. Henry
7. The Furnished Room by O. Henry
8. A Retrieved Reformation by O. Henry
9. 'After Twenty Years,' by O.Henry
10. 'Transients in Arcadia' by O. Henry
11. 'From the Cabby's Seat,' by O. Henry
12. 'The Romance of a Busy Broker' by O. Henry
13. 'The Count and the Wedding Guest' by O. Henry
14. 'The Cop and the Anthem,' by O. Henry
15. 'The Exact Science of Matrimony' by O. Henry
16. 'The Ransom of Red Chief,' by O. Henry
17. A Municipal Report by O. Henry
https://learningenglish.voanews.com/z/1581
My First Selection, O Henry.
1. 'Hearts and Crosses,' by O. Henry, Part One
2. The Caliph, Cupid and the Clock by O. Henry
3. 'Mammon and the Archer' by O. Henry
4. 'One Thousand Dollars,' by O. Henry
5. 'The Gift of the Magi,' by O. Henry
6. Two Thanksgiving Day Gentlemen by O. Henry
7. The Furnished Room by O. Henry
8. A Retrieved Reformation by O. Henry
9. 'After Twenty Years,' by O.Henry
10. 'Transients in Arcadia' by O. Henry
11. 'From the Cabby's Seat,' by O. Henry
12. 'The Romance of a Busy Broker' by O. Henry
13. 'The Count and the Wedding Guest' by O. Henry
14. 'The Cop and the Anthem,' by O. Henry
15. 'The Exact Science of Matrimony' by O. Henry
16. 'The Ransom of Red Chief,' by O. Henry
17. A Municipal Report by O. Henry
https://learningenglish.voanews.com/z/1581
Voice of America
American Stories
Learn English as you read and listen to a weekly show with short stories by famous American authors. Adaptations are written at the intermediate and upper-beginner level and are read one-third slower than regular VOA English.
~*~ Girls~*~
HARD DISK GIRLS: She remembers everything, FOREVER
RAM GIRLS: She forgets about you, the moment it's turned off
WINDOW GIRLS: Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.
SCREENSAVER GIRLS: She is good for nothing but at least she is fun
INTERNET GIRLS: Difficult to access
SERVER GIRLS: Always busy when you need her.
MULTIMEDIA GIRLS: She makes horrible thing look beautiful
CD-ROM GIRLS: She is always faster and faster.
EMAIL GIRLS: Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.
VIRUS GIRLS: Also known as "wife'' when you are not expecting her, she comes, install herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if don't try uninstall her you will lose everything...
HARD DISK GIRLS: She remembers everything, FOREVER
RAM GIRLS: She forgets about you, the moment it's turned off
WINDOW GIRLS: Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.
SCREENSAVER GIRLS: She is good for nothing but at least she is fun
INTERNET GIRLS: Difficult to access
SERVER GIRLS: Always busy when you need her.
MULTIMEDIA GIRLS: She makes horrible thing look beautiful
CD-ROM GIRLS: She is always faster and faster.
EMAIL GIRLS: Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.
VIRUS GIRLS: Also known as "wife'' when you are not expecting her, she comes, install herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if don't try uninstall her you will lose everything...
Charity Lawyer
A local charity office realized that it had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The director called him, hoping to get a contribution. “Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you’ve given not a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like to give back to the community in some way?”
The lawyer replied, “First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?”
Embarrassed, the director mumbled, “Um...no.”
“Or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?” The stricken director began to stammer out an apology but was interrupted. “ Or that my sister’s husband died in a car accident,” the lawyer’s voice rising in indignation, “leaving her penniless with three children?!”
The humiliated director said simply, “I had no idea…”
“So if I don’t give any money to them, why the hell would I give any to you?”
A local charity office realized that it had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The director called him, hoping to get a contribution. “Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you’ve given not a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like to give back to the community in some way?”
The lawyer replied, “First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?”
Embarrassed, the director mumbled, “Um...no.”
“Or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?” The stricken director began to stammer out an apology but was interrupted. “ Or that my sister’s husband died in a car accident,” the lawyer’s voice rising in indignation, “leaving her penniless with three children?!”
The humiliated director said simply, “I had no idea…”
“So if I don’t give any money to them, why the hell would I give any to you?”
An old Moslem lives close to New York City for more than 40 years. He would love to plant potatoes in his garden, but he is alone, old and weak. His son is in college in Paris, so the old man sends him an e-mail. He explains the problem:
"Beloved son, I am very sad, because I can't plant potatoes in my garden. I am sure, if only you were here, you helped me and dug up the garden for me. I love you, your father."
The following day, the old man receives response e-mail from his son:
"Beloved father, please don't touch the garden. It's there that I have hidden 'the THING'.
I love you, too, Ahmed".
At 4pm the US Army, the Marines, the FBI, the CIA and the Rangers visit the house of the old man, take the whole garden apart, search every inch, but can't find anything.
Disappointed they leave the house.
Another day later, the old man receives another e-mail from his son. "Beloved father, I hope the garden is dug up by now and you can plant your potatoes. That's all I could do for you from here.
I love you,
Ahmed."
"Beloved son, I am very sad, because I can't plant potatoes in my garden. I am sure, if only you were here, you helped me and dug up the garden for me. I love you, your father."
The following day, the old man receives response e-mail from his son:
"Beloved father, please don't touch the garden. It's there that I have hidden 'the THING'.
I love you, too, Ahmed".
At 4pm the US Army, the Marines, the FBI, the CIA and the Rangers visit the house of the old man, take the whole garden apart, search every inch, but can't find anything.
Disappointed they leave the house.
Another day later, the old man receives another e-mail from his son. "Beloved father, I hope the garden is dug up by now and you can plant your potatoes. That's all I could do for you from here.
I love you,
Ahmed."
Money isn't everything
It can buy a house, but not a home.
It can buy a bed, but not sleep.
It can buy a clock, but not time.
It can buy you a book, but not knowledge.
It can buy you a position, but not respect.
It can buy you medicine, but not health.
It can buy you blood, but not life.
It can buy you sex, but not love.
So you see, money isn't everything...
I tell you all this because I am your friend, and as your friend I want to take away your pain and suffering... so send me all your money, and I will suffer for you.
A truer friend than me you will never find...
It can buy a house, but not a home.
It can buy a bed, but not sleep.
It can buy a clock, but not time.
It can buy you a book, but not knowledge.
It can buy you a position, but not respect.
It can buy you medicine, but not health.
It can buy you blood, but not life.
It can buy you sex, but not love.
So you see, money isn't everything...
I tell you all this because I am your friend, and as your friend I want to take away your pain and suffering... so send me all your money, and I will suffer for you.
A truer friend than me you will never find...
Helpdesk: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter " a ", but how do I get the circle around it?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter " a ", but how do I get the circle around it?
A customer couldn't get on the Internet: -
Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes I'm sure. I watched my colleague do it.
Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes I'm sure. I watched my colleague do it.
Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah ... that one does work!
Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah ... that one does work!
This memo is to announce the development of a new software system which is known as 'Millennia Year Application Software System' (MYASS).
Next Monday there will be a meeting in which I will show MYASS to everyone. We will hold demonstrations throughout the month so that all employees will have an opportunity to get a good look at MYASS. We have not addressed networking aspects yet, so currently only one person at a time can use MYASS. This restriction will be removed after MYASS expands.
Some employees have begun using the program already. This morning I walked into a subordinate's office and was not surprised to find that he had his nose buried in MYASS. Some of the less technical people may be somewhat afraid of MYASS. Last week my secretary said to me, 'I'm a little nervous, I never put anything in MYASS before.' I helped her through the first time and afterward she admitted that it was relatively painless and she was actually looking forward to doing it again, and was even ready to kiss MYASS.
There have been concerns over the virus that was found in MYASS upon initial installation, but the virus has been eliminated and we were able to save MYASS. In the future, however, protection will be required prior to entering MYASS. This database will encompass all information associated with the business.
As you begin using the program, feel free to put anything you want in MYASS. As MYASS grows larger, we envision a time when it will be commonplace for a supervisor to hand work to an employee and say, 'here, stick this in MYASS.' It will be a great day when we need data quickly and our employees can respond, 'Here it is, I just pulled it out of MYASS.'
Next Monday there will be a meeting in which I will show MYASS to everyone. We will hold demonstrations throughout the month so that all employees will have an opportunity to get a good look at MYASS. We have not addressed networking aspects yet, so currently only one person at a time can use MYASS. This restriction will be removed after MYASS expands.
Some employees have begun using the program already. This morning I walked into a subordinate's office and was not surprised to find that he had his nose buried in MYASS. Some of the less technical people may be somewhat afraid of MYASS. Last week my secretary said to me, 'I'm a little nervous, I never put anything in MYASS before.' I helped her through the first time and afterward she admitted that it was relatively painless and she was actually looking forward to doing it again, and was even ready to kiss MYASS.
There have been concerns over the virus that was found in MYASS upon initial installation, but the virus has been eliminated and we were able to save MYASS. In the future, however, protection will be required prior to entering MYASS. This database will encompass all information associated with the business.
As you begin using the program, feel free to put anything you want in MYASS. As MYASS grows larger, we envision a time when it will be commonplace for a supervisor to hand work to an employee and say, 'here, stick this in MYASS.' It will be a great day when we need data quickly and our employees can respond, 'Here it is, I just pulled it out of MYASS.'
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Forwarded from MKFiles
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HE'S GOT THE WHOLE WORLD IN HIS HANDS
👇👇👇👇
👇👇👇👇
Forwarded from MKFiles
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VIEW IN TELEGRAM
HE'S GOT THE WHOLE WORLD IN HIS HANDS.
Forwarded from MKFiles
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VIEW IN TELEGRAM
Forwarded from MKFiles
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VIEW IN TELEGRAM
STUDENT: I ain't going.
TEACHER: That is not correct. Listen: I am not going. We are not going. You are not going. They are not going. Now do you understand?
STUDENT: Sure, teacher. Nobody ain't going.
TEACHER: That is not correct. Listen: I am not going. We are not going. You are not going. They are not going. Now do you understand?
STUDENT: Sure, teacher. Nobody ain't going.