#Go #Green

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finished all three, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender says to him, 'You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time.' The Irishman replies, 'Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we all drank together.' The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way: he orders three pints and drinks the three pints by taking drinks from each of them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, 'I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.' The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a lights dawn in his eye and he laughs. “Oh, no,” he says, “Everyone is fine. I've just quit drinking!”

#sorry #Benz
https://t.me/MKClips/93

Here are the original sources of the passages of ILI Advanced Levels which I found seven years ago and let others know. I thought it would be of major interest but of course this was not the case. Nevertheless, all blogspots are filtered in Iran which wasn't the case at the time but filter removal is being considered for blogspot and even the Youtube!!!! I hope the links are still alive.
adrd123.blogspot.com 👇🏿👇🏿👇🏿

adrd123.blogspot.com
A1U1> Hurry Sickness
http://www.symbiosis.ac.in/iela_practicetest.pdf
A1U2> The Education Gender Gap
http://bestessay.livejournal.com/2198.html May 6th, 2009
A1U3> The Global Product - The World As Single Market?
www.hackerslsat.com/bbs/write.php?id=ielts_reading&page=1&sp1=&sn1=&divpage=1&sp=off&sn=off&ss=on&sc=on&sf=off&sa=off&select_arrange=headnum&no=457&mode=modify
A1U4> He Survived His Own Funeral
Brad Steitger and Sherry Hanson-Steiger Reading Power by James I. Brown, Vivian Vick Fishco
ISBN-13: 9780618139019 Pub. Date: August 2001 Publisher: Cengage Learning
A1U5> When Is a Room Not a Room?
Stuart Jeffries, The Guardian, Saturday 24 November 2001 www.guardian.co.uk/education/2001/nov/24/arts.highereducation
A1U6> The Other Population Crisis Robin McKie , The Observer, Sunday 26 September 2004
http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2004/sep/26/environment.environment
=================================
A2U1> Culture Shock and the Stages of Adjustments Kadesch, M.C, Kolba, E.D & Crowell, S.C.1991, Insights into Academic Writing: Strategies for Advanced Students. Addison Wesley
http://www.hoisinhvien.net/forum/ngh-con-chia-kinh-nghi-culture-shock-t5453.html.
A2U2> The Great Work Myth
http://www.guardian.co.uk/money/2001/may/18/workandcareers.madeleinebunting
A2U3> Stolen Friendship Alice Maxwell
http://new-1182.wwwts.au.edu.tw/front/bin/download.phtml?Part=01&Nbr=4852&Category=0
A2U4> Fingerprints The Economist print edition
http://jaccalid1.com/fingering.html
A2U5>Intuition
http://mthbk1.000space.com/blog/2009/12/30/intuition-youve-got-it-heres-why-you-should-use-it/
A2U6> Reading the Screen
http://www.prospectmagazine.co.uk/1996/05/readingthescreen/
http://webak.upce.cz/~brezina/OAA2/handout3.pdf
====================================
A3U1> Their Canada Includes Hijab
Amber Nasrulla, The Globe and Mail, (Toronto) August 22, 1994
http://www.islamfortoday.com/hijabcanada3.htm
A3U2> Friendship Is the Invisible Thread Richard Reeves Published 19 April 2004
http://www.newstatesman.com/200404190019
A3U3>Three Days to See Atlantic Monthly, (January, 1933)
http://www.afb.org/Section.asp?SectionID=1&TopicID=193&SubTopicID=17&DocumentID=1215
A3U4> The Riddle of Intelligence
http://www.time.com/time/asia/covers/501030217/story.html
A3U5> The Power of Nothing Geoff Watts 26 May 2001
http://www.newscientist.com/article/mg17022924.600-the-power-of-nothing.htm
A3U6> Beyond Rivalry Elizabeth Stark
Topics for Today, Third Edition (Reading for Today Series, Book 5)
(Author), Lorraine C. Smith ,Nancy Nici Mare ISBN10: 0838476406 ISBN13: 9780838476406
Pub. Date: 12/31/1997 Publisher(s): CENGAGE ELT

#US #College #Degrees #SpEng
https://t.me/MkNotes/331
MP3 below 4Minutes

#US #College #Degrees #SpEng
https://t.me/MkNotes/332
Text Above

#US #College #University #Difference #SpEng
https://t.me/MkNotes/333
MP3 below 4Minutes

#US #College #University #Difference #SpEng
Text Above 4Minutes
https://t.me/MkNotes/334

Smart Kid
A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?'
Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his quest ions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?' Harry: '9.'
Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?' Harry: '36.'

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.'
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions.'
The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, 'what does a cow have four of that I have only two of?' Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.'

Ms Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'
The principal wondered why she would ask such a question! Harry replied: 'Pockets.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?' Harry: 'Pants.'

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?'
Harry: 'Coconut.'
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubble gum.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'
Harry: 'Shake hands.'
The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?'
Harry: 'Fire truck.'

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher,

'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong!

https://t.me/MkNotes/335

Hairkul : آنکه روی شانه‌‌هایش مو دارد
Watergate : دروازه دولاب
Categorize : نوعی غذای شمالی که با برنج و گوشت گراز طبخ می‌‌شود
Velocity : شهری که مردم آن از هر موقعیتی برای ولو شدن استفاده می‌‌کنند
confuse : آنکه برق از **ونش می پرد
San Antonio : به ترکی‌ : شما آنتونیو هستید
Longtime : در حمام ، زمان پیچیدن لونگ را گویند
Long time no see : !دارم لونگ می‌‌پیچم ، نگاه نکن
Cambridge : شهری که تعداد پلهایش اندک است
UNESCO : یونس کجاست؟
Jesus : در اصفهان به بچه گویند که دست به چیز داغ نزند
Damn You All : دم همتون گرم
Savage Blog : ساوجبلاغ
Latino : لات بازی ممنوع
Godzilla : خدای استفاده کردن از مرورگر موزیلا
Freezer : حرف مفت
Welcome : دهن لق
Manual : من و بقیه
See you later : لات تر به نظر میای!
Misscall : دختر نابالغ را گویند
Morphine: باید بیشتر فین کنی
Keyboard:چه کسی برنده شد؟
Accessible: عکس سیبیل
Insecure: این سه نابینا
Subsystem: صاحب دستگاه

Teasing
There was a little boy named Johnny who used to hang out at the local corner market. The owner didn't know what Johnny's problem was, but the boys would constantly tease him. They would always comment that he was two bricks shy of a load, or two pickles short of a barrel. To prove it, sometimes they would offer Johnny his choice between a nickel (5 cents) and a dime (10 cents) and John would always take the nickel — they said, because it was bigger.
One day after John grabbed the nickel, the store owner took him aside and said, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don't know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger, or what?"
Slowly, Johnny turned toward the store owner and a big grin appeared on his face and Johnny said, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I have saved $20!"

Dear Mom and Dad,
It has now been three months since I left for college. I have been remiss in writing this and I am very sorry for my thoughtlessness in not having written before. I will bring you up to date now, but before you read on, please sit down. YOU ARE NOT TO READ ANY FURTHER UNLESS YOU ARE SITTING DOWN. OKAY!

Well then, I am getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture and the concussion I got when I jumped out of the window of my dormitory when it caught fire shortly after my arrival are pretty well healed now. I only get those sick headaches once a day.

Fortunately the fire in the dormitory and my jump were witnessed by an attendant at the gas station near the dorm, and he was the one who called the fire department and the ambulance. He also visited me at the hospital and since I had nowhere to live, because of the burned out dormitory, he was kind enough to invite me to share his apartment with him. It's really a basement room, but it's kind of cute. He is a very fine boy and we have fallen deeply in love and are planning to be married. We haven't set the exact date yet, but it will be before my pregnancy begins to show.

Yes Mother and Dad, I am pregnant. I know how much you are looking forward to being grandparents and I know you will welcome the baby and give it the love, devotion and tender care you gave me when I was a child. The reason for the delay in our marriage is that my boyfriend has some minor infection which prevents us from passing our pre-marital blood tests and I carelessly caught it from him. This will soon clear up with the penicillin injections I am taking daily.

I know you will welcome him into our family with open arms. He is kind and although not well educated, he is ambitious. Although he is of a different race and religion than ours, I know your often expressed tolerance will not permit you to be bothered by the fact that his skin color is somewhat darker than ours. I am sure you will love him as I do. His family background is good too, for I am told that his father is an important gun-bearer in the village in Africa from which he came.

Now that I have brought you up to date, I want to tell you that there was no dormitory fire, I did not have a concussion or a skull fracture. I was not in the hospital, I am not pregnant, I am not engaged. I do not have syphilis and there is no man (of any color) in my life. However, I am getting a 'D' in History and an 'F' in Science and I wanted you to see those marks in the proper perspective.

Yours-
Your Loving Daughter
https://t.me/MkNotes/340

Three men
Three men, an American, a Japanese and Mr. X were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The American pressed his forearm and the beep stopped! The others looked at him questioningly. "That was my pager," he said, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm. After a few minutes a phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained, "That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand. Mr. X felt decidedly low tech, but not to be outdone he decided he had to do something just as impressive. He stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. He returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his behind. The others raised their eyebrows and stared at him.
Mr. X finally said... "Well, will you look at that, I'm getting a fax."

Mr. X was from……….

Edgar Allan Poe, The Letter
#Purloined #Letter #Edgar #Allan #Poe
https://t.me/MkNotes/342

O Henry, After Twenty Years
#OHenry #After #Twenty #Years
https://t.me/MkNotes/343

Classic short stories that introduce American literature to intermediate English learners.

My First Selection, O Henry.

1. 'Hearts and Crosses,' by O. Henry, Part One
2. The Caliph, Cupid and the Clock by O. Henry
3. 'Mammon and the Archer' by O. Henry
4. 'One Thousand Dollars,' by O. Henry
5. 'The Gift of the Magi,' by O. Henry
6. Two Thanksgiving Day Gentlemen by O. Henry
7. The Furnished Room by O. Henry
8. A Retrieved Reformation by O. Henry
9. 'After Twenty Years,' by O.Henry
10. 'Transients in Arcadia' by O. Henry
11. 'From the Cabby's Seat,' by O. Henry
12. 'The Romance of a Busy Broker' by O. Henry
13. 'The Count and the Wedding Guest' by O. Henry
14. 'The Cop and the Anthem,' by O. Henry
15. 'The Exact Science of Matrimony' by O. Henry
16. 'The Ransom of Red Chief,' by O. Henry
17. A Municipal Report by O. Henry

https://learningenglish.voanews.com/z/1581

~*~ Girls~*~
HARD DISK GIRLS: She remembers everything, FOREVER
RAM GIRLS: She forgets about you, the moment it's turned off
WINDOW GIRLS: Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.
SCREENSAVER GIRLS: She is good for nothing but at least she is fun
INTERNET GIRLS: Difficult to access
SERVER GIRLS: Always busy when you need her.
MULTIMEDIA GIRLS: She makes horrible thing look beautiful
CD-ROM GIRLS: She is always faster and faster.
EMAIL GIRLS: Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.
VIRUS GIRLS: Also known as "wife'' when you are not expecting her, she comes, install herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if don't try uninstall her you will lose everything...

Charity Lawyer
A local charity office realized that it had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The director called him, hoping to get a contribution. “Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you’ve given not a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like to give back to the community in some way?”
The lawyer replied, “First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?”
Embarrassed, the director mumbled, “Um...no.”
“Or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?” The stricken director began to stammer out an apology but was interrupted. “ Or that my sister’s husband died in a car accident,” the lawyer’s voice rising in indignation, “leaving her penniless with three children?!”
The humiliated director said simply, “I had no idea…”
“So if I don’t give any money to them, why the hell would I give any to you?”

An old Moslem lives close to New York City for more than 40 years. He would love to plant potatoes in his garden, but he is alone, old and weak. His son is in college in Paris, so the old man sends him an e-mail. He explains the problem:
"Beloved son, I am very sad, because I can't plant potatoes in my garden. I am sure, if only you were here, you helped me and dug up the garden for me. I love you, your father."

The following day, the old man receives response e-mail from his son:
"Beloved father, please don't touch the garden. It's there that I have hidden 'the THING'.
I love you, too, Ahmed".

At 4pm the US Army, the Marines, the FBI, the CIA and the Rangers visit the house of the old man, take the whole garden apart, search every inch, but can't find anything.
Disappointed they leave the house.

Another day later, the old man receives another e-mail from his son. "Beloved father, I hope the garden is dug up by now and you can plant your potatoes. That's all I could do for you from here.
I love you,
Ahmed."