Again, an old one but why not??
A FABLE FOR SECRETARIES

When the body was first made, all parts wanted to be boss.
The brain said, “Since I control everything and do all the thinking, I should be Boss”.

The feet said “Since I carry man where he wants to go and get him in position to do what the brain wants, I should be Boss”.

The hands said “Since I must do all the work and earn all the money to keep the rest of you going, I should be Boss”.

And it went on with the heart, the ears, the lungs, etc. and finally the arsehole spoke up and demanded to be the Boss. All the other parts laughed and laughed at the idea of an arsehole being Boss.

The arsehole was so angered that he blocked himself off and refused to function. Soon the brain was feverish, the eyes crossed and aching. The feet were to weak walk; the hands hung limply at the sides; the heart and lungs struggled to keep going.

All pleaded with the brain to relent and let the arsehole be Boss. And so it happened. All the other parts did all the work, and the arsehole just bossed and passed out a lot of shit.

THE MORAL: YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE A BRAIN TO BE A BOSS, JUST AN ARSEHOLE!

https://t.me/MkNotes/305

Excuse the math🤬🤬🤬

#Vacation #six #month

فقط برای خندیدن..
ترجمه اش کلی کاربرد..

مرد بودن سخت است...
It is Tough Being a Man..

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist.
اگردر مسابقة زندگي حامي زن باشي، مردسالار ي.
اگر در خانه بماني و خانه‌داري كني، مرد نيستي(سوسولي)
. If you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy
If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.
اگر سخت كاركني، از او فراري هست
If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.
اگر كم كار كني، بيعرضه و بيمصرفي
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation. اگر شعل او تكراري وكم درآمد باشد، استثمار است
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your ass and find something better.
اگر شغل تو تكراري و كم درآمد باشد، بايد بجنبي و شغل بهتري پيداكني.
If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism. اگر زودتر از او ارتقاء پيداكني، پارتي‌بازي است
اگر او زودتر از تو ارتقاء پيدا كرد، تساوي حقوق است.
If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity
If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment.
اگر بگويي چه خوشگلي، نظر سوء داري
If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.
اگر سكوت اختيار كني، بی تفاوتي.
If you cry, you're a wimp. If you don't, you're an insensitive bastard.
اگر گريه كني، مرد نيستي.. اگر گريه نكني، يك حرامزداة بي احساسي.
اگر او را بزني، زن آزاري است
If you thump her, it's wife bashing.
اگراو ترا بزند، دفاع از خود است
If she thumps you, it's self-defense
If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist. اگر بدون مشورت با او تصميم بگيري ، مردسالاري.
If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.
اگر بدون مشورت شما تصميم بگيرد،آزادي زنان است.
If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination. اگر از او كاري خلاف ميلش بخواهي، مرد سالاري.
If she asks you, it's a favor.
اگر او از شما كاري خلاف ميلت بخواهد، لطف مي كني.
If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you're a pervert. If you don't, you're gay
اگر ازاندام و لباس زير زيوردار زنانه خوشت آمد، منحرفي ... و اگر خوشت نيآمد، همجنس‌ گرایی.
If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're sexist. . If you don't, you're unromantic
اگر دوست داري كه زن پاهايش را بتراشد و اندام زيبايي داشته باشد، مردسالاري....اگر دوست نداشته باشي ، رومانتيك نيستي
If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain. If you don't, you're a slob.
اگرتناسب اندام خود را حفظ كني و در فرم باشي، توخالي و سطحي هستي ..... اگر حفظ نكني، لاابال و شلخته‌اي.
If you buy her flowers, you're after something. If you don't, you're not thoughtful.
اگر برايش گل بخري، از او چيزي مي‌خواهي.... اگر برايش گل نخري، بي ملاحظه‌اي.
If you're proud of your achievements, you're full of yourself. If you don't, you're not ambitious.
اگر به موفقيتهاي خود ببالي، خودپسندي......اگر نبالي، حقيري(كوچك بيني).
If she has a headache, she's tired. If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.
اگر سرش درد كند، خسته است.......اگر سرت درد كند، ديگر او را دوست نداري.
If you want it too often, you're oversexed. If you don't, there must be someone else.
اگر اغلب مواقع بخواهي، شهوتي هستي........اگر زياد نخواهي، حتماً فرد ديگري در كار است

https://t.me/MkNotes/311

How tough are balls really?
Having balls (or cojones in Spanish) is equated with being tough, strong, and fearless. The irony is that balls aren't tough at all. They are actually one of the most vulnerable parts of the human body. The first thing a girl learns when she is growing up is to kick a guy in the balls if she gets attacked. Balls are so fragile, boys had to invent special apparatuses to protect their balls while they are out playing games. A bit of cold air or water and balls just shrink up and hide away.

We respect people with balls. Conversely, people without balls are weak, unworthy of respect, pussies. But whereas balls are constantly in need of protection from the tiniest threat, a pussy can withstand to be ripped in half by a 10 pound kid and then bounce right back. Try that with some balls. It goes without saying that our ideas of balls being tough and pussies being weak are all about our ideas of men and women. Although I might also point out that being a dick is not considered a complement. Dick's are heartless, inconsiderate, and mean (insert Dick Cheney joke here).

The Meaning of Heart
When we say someone has balls, we put a veneer of toughness over something ridiculously vulnerable, but what about when we say someone has heart? The heart comes encased in a protective cage of bone that takes incredible force to break through. It is pliable and precise, yet strong enough to power an entire body. A heart is essential for life. Everyone has a heart.

Asking someone to have a heart is asking them to be compassionate, empathetic, and sensitive. Yet having heart is not weak. When a basketball player plays with heart, it means he is emotionally as well as physically tough. The player with heart is not respected for the fearless bravado of someone with balls. The player with heart is respected for strength, skill, intelligence, dedication, and teamwork.

Of course there are negative expressions associated with the heart, being a "bleeding heart liberal" for example. But even that expression just reinforces the strength and importance of the heart. It isn't a healthy heart that's a problem. It's a malfunctioning, bleeding heart. In the grand scheme of things, do you want to be gawked at as someone who has the balls to dive at something thoughtlessly and recklessly in order to camouflage inherent weakness. Or would you rather be someone who has the quieter, essential, steady, life-affirming strength of a heart?

https://t.me/MkNotes/312

http://www.broadsnark.com/would-you-rather-have-balls-or-heart/

In 2010 obesity and related illnesses killed about 3 million people, terrorists killed a total of 7,697 people across the globe, most of them in developing countries. For the average American or European, Coca-Cola poses a far deadlier threat than al-Qaeda......

What Rwanda earned from an entire year of looting Congolese coltan, the Chinese earn in a single day of peaceful commerce.......


In 1998 it made sense for Rwanda to seize and loot the rich coltan mines of neighboring Congo, because this ore was in high demand for the manufacture of mobile phones and laptops, and Congo held 80 per cent of the world’s coltan reserves. Rwanda earned $240 million annually from the looted coltan. For poor Rwanda that was a lot of money. In contrast, it would have made no sense for China to invade California and seize Silicon Valley, for even if the Chinese could somehow prevail on the battle field, there were no silicon mines to loot in Silicon Valley. Instead, the Chinese have earned billions of dollars from cooperating with hi-tech giants such as Apple and Microsoft, buying their software and manufacturing their products. What Rwanda earned from an entire year of looting Congolese coltan, the Chinese earn in a single day of peaceful commerce.

This New Peace is not just a hippie fantasy. Power hungry governments and greedy corporations also count on it. When Mercedes plans its sales strategy in eastern Europe, it discounts the possibility that Germany might conquer Poland. A corporation importing cheap laborers from the Philippines is not worried that Indonesia might invade the Philippines next year. When the Brazilian government convenes to discuss next year ’s budget, it’s unimaginable that the Brazilian defense minister will rise from his seat, bang his fist on the table and shout, ‘Just a minute! What if we want to invade and conquer Uruguay? You didn’t take that into account. We have to put aside $5 billion to finance this conquest.’ Of course, there are a few places where defense ministers still say such things, and there are regions where the New Peace has failed to take root. I know this very well because I live in one of these regions. But these are exceptions.

What about terrorism, then? Even if central governments and powerful states have learned restraint, terrorists might have no such qualms about using new and destructive weapons. That is certainly a worrying possibility. However, terrorism is a strategy of weakness adopted by those who lack access to real power. At least in the past, terrorism worked by spreading fear rather than by causing significant material damage. Terrorists usually don’t have the strength to defeat an army, occupy a country or destroy entire cities. Whereas in 2010 obesity and related illnesses killed about 3 million people, terrorists killed a total of 7,697 people across the globe, most of them in developing countries. For the average American or European, Coca-Cola poses a far deadlier threat than al-Qaeda.

Homo Deus: A Brief History of Tomorrow by Yuval Noah Harari

BUT there won't be a red carpet, a welcome note or even a simple call from IRAN where things keep changing for worse. Nevertheless,

THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE HOME

https://t.me/MkNotes/315

#Beauty or #Brain #Blond

#Room #Key #brunette

#Mazda #Parking

#Forget #Me #Not

#Money #Walks

#Go #Green

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finished all three, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender says to him, 'You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time.' The Irishman replies, 'Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we all drank together.' The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way: he orders three pints and drinks the three pints by taking drinks from each of them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, 'I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.' The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a lights dawn in his eye and he laughs. “Oh, no,” he says, “Everyone is fine. I've just quit drinking!”

#sorry #Benz
https://t.me/MKClips/93

Here are the original sources of the passages of ILI Advanced Levels which I found seven years ago and let others know. I thought it would be of major interest but of course this was not the case. Nevertheless, all blogspots are filtered in Iran which wasn't the case at the time but filter removal is being considered for blogspot and even the Youtube!!!! I hope the links are still alive.
adrd123.blogspot.com 👇🏿👇🏿👇🏿

adrd123.blogspot.com
A1U1> Hurry Sickness
http://www.symbiosis.ac.in/iela_practicetest.pdf
A1U2> The Education Gender Gap
http://bestessay.livejournal.com/2198.html May 6th, 2009
A1U3> The Global Product - The World As Single Market?
www.hackerslsat.com/bbs/write.php?id=ielts_reading&page=1&sp1=&sn1=&divpage=1&sp=off&sn=off&ss=on&sc=on&sf=off&sa=off&select_arrange=headnum&no=457&mode=modify
A1U4> He Survived His Own Funeral
Brad Steitger and Sherry Hanson-Steiger Reading Power by James I. Brown, Vivian Vick Fishco
ISBN-13: 9780618139019 Pub. Date: August 2001 Publisher: Cengage Learning
A1U5> When Is a Room Not a Room?
Stuart Jeffries, The Guardian, Saturday 24 November 2001 www.guardian.co.uk/education/2001/nov/24/arts.highereducation
A1U6> The Other Population Crisis Robin McKie , The Observer, Sunday 26 September 2004
http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2004/sep/26/environment.environment
=================================
A2U1> Culture Shock and the Stages of Adjustments Kadesch, M.C, Kolba, E.D & Crowell, S.C.1991, Insights into Academic Writing: Strategies for Advanced Students. Addison Wesley
http://www.hoisinhvien.net/forum/ngh-con-chia-kinh-nghi-culture-shock-t5453.html.
A2U2> The Great Work Myth
http://www.guardian.co.uk/money/2001/may/18/workandcareers.madeleinebunting
A2U3> Stolen Friendship Alice Maxwell
http://new-1182.wwwts.au.edu.tw/front/bin/download.phtml?Part=01&Nbr=4852&Category=0
A2U4> Fingerprints The Economist print edition
http://jaccalid1.com/fingering.html
A2U5>Intuition
http://mthbk1.000space.com/blog/2009/12/30/intuition-youve-got-it-heres-why-you-should-use-it/
A2U6> Reading the Screen
http://www.prospectmagazine.co.uk/1996/05/readingthescreen/
http://webak.upce.cz/~brezina/OAA2/handout3.pdf
====================================
A3U1> Their Canada Includes Hijab
Amber Nasrulla, The Globe and Mail, (Toronto) August 22, 1994
http://www.islamfortoday.com/hijabcanada3.htm
A3U2> Friendship Is the Invisible Thread Richard Reeves Published 19 April 2004
http://www.newstatesman.com/200404190019
A3U3>Three Days to See Atlantic Monthly, (January, 1933)
http://www.afb.org/Section.asp?SectionID=1&TopicID=193&SubTopicID=17&DocumentID=1215
A3U4> The Riddle of Intelligence
http://www.time.com/time/asia/covers/501030217/story.html
A3U5> The Power of Nothing Geoff Watts 26 May 2001
http://www.newscientist.com/article/mg17022924.600-the-power-of-nothing.htm
A3U6> Beyond Rivalry Elizabeth Stark
Topics for Today, Third Edition (Reading for Today Series, Book 5)
(Author), Lorraine C. Smith ,Nancy Nici Mare ISBN10: 0838476406 ISBN13: 9780838476406
Pub. Date: 12/31/1997 Publisher(s): CENGAGE ELT

#US #College #Degrees #SpEng
https://t.me/MkNotes/331
MP3 below 4Minutes

#US #College #Degrees #SpEng
https://t.me/MkNotes/332
Text Above