yetadi bugunga

Bunaqa ketishda kanaldagilaniyam depressiyaga tushurib qo'yaman.

Uxlela, будет лучший день, без суеты, без потерь)

Kalitim tushib ketdi 🥲

Everything is pointless.

Saying everything is pointless and unimportant, then writing about it every time, would essentially be self-contradictory, because writing is also pointless.

You see, in order to cure or prevent or deal with an illness, doctors sometimes inject a compound that contains parts of what caused the disease, it is to let the body develop immunity towards the disease.

The driving force that makes the body develop immunity against a disease is a part of what caused the disease in the first place.

And the same with meaninglessness and pointlessness of everything. If you see it as a disease, writing about it is a way of the "doctor", the mind, to deal with the problem.

I've been all against pseudo-scientific medical methods based on homeopathy, where you treat "like with like", but in this case it seems to work.

If I write what I feel, it's to reduce the fever of feeling. Whatever I say is unimportant, because everything is unimportant.

The driving force that makes me continue to live, to work, to feel and to write is the awareness that living, working, feeling and writing is pointless.

Sometimes, exposure to the ailment is part of the treatment.

#thoughts

— Muhim xotiraga bog'langan bitta oddiy narsa bormi?

Masalan manda shu bananli pankie.

Sizda nima?

https://youtu.be/7g1pmHSWHe0

and then we'll be okay...

We're gonna be testing the limits today

Have a good one.

You shouldn't spend your time worried about what others think, because at the end of the day it doesn't matter. Nothing does.

Do what you do for what you want to do. Not because it's good for someone else, living for another person shit doesn't work, at least it didn't work with me.

Nothing in this world should influence you, even if it is all deterministic, fuck it, you get to experience it so who cares?

Have you lived a good life? A bad one? A moderate one? Have you done good deeds or have you sinned? Whatever, nobody cares.

Your life is you, it revolves around you and only you. You have to do things that are good for you, not for other people. As selfish as it sounds.

Be selfish enough to fuck the unwanted opinions, meaningless actions, unfair treatment and continuous suffering for you live for yourself.

Don't let me influence you. Don't let my mistakes lead you, even for some time. Don't take the blame for what I did. You have nothing to do with it.

All I ever did was for myself. I might've helped people, I might've comforted them, it might appear that sometimes I put their interests above my own, but it was for a long-term reward I would get.

Yes sir, life is eternal suffering but to live is to find meaning in suffering. It's hard to deal with it if you're not able to find meaning behind it since, as Nietzsche said,

"the meaninglessness of suffering, not the suffering, was the curse that lay over mankind so far"

So search for that meaning. You'll find it, you'll find your reason to live and till that, I hope you'll have the strength to go on.

Have a good one, gaplashamiz)

#thoughts