Not a Single Drop More
Or how to protect your boundaries in three simple steps

Another wonderful therapist and best-selling author I follow is Olga Primachenko, who posts under k_sebe_tak_nezhno handle on Instagram. Through Olga’s posts and books, I learned a lot about how to trust myself, how to let go of caring about other people’s opinions, how to listen to my true needs, and how to protect my boundaries.

In one of her posts, Olga shared an idea that I loved. It’s a technique called “not a single drop more” that can be used to protect our boundaries. I’m sharing the translation here with Olga’s permission.

Lately, I’ve been hearing a lot more messages with the premise of “you must…” and “you have to…” (help, give, compromise, speak, read, not read, watch, not watch, explain, understand, think, not think, or any other verb you know).

If you don’t comply, then you are deemed dumb, inadequate, defective, ungrateful, “against us”, “against them”, too happy, too unhappy, and so on.

There is an exercise called “Not a single drop more” in the emotional image therapy (EIT) developed by N. Linde and T. Smirnova. It’s been very helpful for me lately, so I’d like to share it with you.

When you feel that someone is trying to manipulate you (government, your spouse, your parents, your boss, anyone that comes to you with a “you must” type request), tell them in your mind’s eye or directly, “I am going to help you as much as I want, as much as I can, and not a single drop more.”

What does it mean?

“As much as I want” means without feeling coerced or pressured, which always triggers resistance, which, in turn, is followed by anger. And there you go — all involved become triggered and angry.

“As much as I can” is about how many resources I have to help someone. The person telling me that I must do something doesn’t know what I’ve already done, how much energy I’ve spent, and what I’ve sacrificed. They also don’t know what could happen to me or my family if I do what they think they have the right to ask of me.

“Not a single drop more” helps me reclaim my right to be myself, and to live my life independently, separately from others. It allows me to not be the way someone else wants me to be.

I am an adult. I know what I want — and I am doing what I can. When I’m doing something I don’t want to do, it is driven by some other want. I know why I’m doing it — for example, I don’t want to go to work, but I do want to earn money to buy a new fancy pillow, so I still choose to go to work even though I don’t really want to. Anyone who is trying to impose their views on what I must do or what I should be doing is trying to manipulate me.

I love this technique so much! I’ve applied it at work and at home. Most recently, when someone approached me with yet another very important work project, I had to help them. I told them I would do what I can and only in ways that work for me, nothing beyond that. It felt great! My boundaries stayed intact, and, possibly, I prevented burn-out!
You can read the original post here (it’s in Russian).

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