You might not like this. But if your love life is bad, YOU are the reason.

If you want to change it, begin by owning up to it.

A sad fact about life is you can’t save everyone.

And you might ruin your own life trying.

Fifth part of a 10 series post

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If you want to be happy, just choose to be happy.

You don’t need to own or get anything first.

It’s a simple choice, something you can make at any time.

It’s the clearest idea in the world, but seems hard to get because there’s no struggle behind it.

Your brain sees it as too easy, like there must be a trick because most people are always chasing it.

Know that you don’t need a reason to feel good.

You laugh or smile at something, you feel joy.

You say you’re lucky to be alive, and you feel joy.

Don’t look for a reason or ask why or question when you feel a moment of peace.

Pick any kind of energy you want to feel, live out, and give off, and it’s yours right away.

That’s all there is.

Most of your issues are in your head, so if you believe that most of them aren’t real, they’ll really go away.

Want to feel more like a man?

Every time something hard or stressful shows up, something that takes you out of your safe zone…

Do it.

Even if you don’t know what to do yet. Believe in yourself to figure it out.

That’s how you live at your edge. That’s masculine energy

The real issue with men in the West is they don’t know how to tell women No anymore.

This doesn’t mean you have to be rude, or ignore what upsets her.

Loving a woman means you think about her feelings.

But you can't depend on her to decide what must be done.

In both big and small things, Western men forgot this, and this is a big reason why Western women feel so unhappy.

A man who lets a woman guide his choices is not seen as someone who can lead.

All the talk online about "shit tests" misses this main point.

If you’re trying to pass a woman’s tests, you’re just acting like a smart pet.

You’re playing her game.

Stop caring so much about what she demands and start trusting your own thinking.

If she gives you too much drama over silly things, speak up and be ready to walk away.

Show her your strength, give her your full love, but stop taking her too seriously.

Women don’t love your money.

The numbers mean nothing to most of them.

What they care about is that you make things happen.

That money helps with this is just a side detail.

It’s better to be broke, generous, and “know someone” than rich, stingy hermit.

You don’t need to pick the hottest girl you’ve ever seen

But if you plan to stay with a woman long term, she MUST turn you on.

If you feel unsure about how she looks, like not feeling proud to be seen with her or not liking how she looks...

It’s OVER from the start.

Move on

Be kind, not just nice.

Being kind means treating people right and caring. Being nice just means trying not to upset anyone.

A man who wants to win a woman’s heart should never only aim to be nice.

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At some point, all women will want both the provider and the lover.

Even if they don’t know it at first.

Men must realize money can’t keep a woman’s love.

Without romance and thrill, she’ll lose interest and leave.

You can’t buy love from a woman.

Never ever let yourself feel jealous or bitter toward a real friend who’s doing better than you in some area

Money, girls, freedom

Be glad you have him.

No long term thinking, slow minds.

Women get nervous around men more than you might think.

Lots of guys believe their struggles with women are always because of their own “worth.”

But often, it’s just that she feels like you don’t really care about her or see much value in her.

Get girls to give more to you. You’ll enjoy their company more than when you do everything.

Don’t stay friends with your ex.

It’s a really bad move.

You broke up for a reason.

Staying close just causes:

1. Pressure from the sexual pull… which could lead to hooking up again (and trying again… which is bad)

2. Trouble moving on, since you haven’t cleared space for someone new

3. Disrespecting new girls by making them feel uneasy or jealous (they see the tension clearly)

4. Pain if one of you moves on faster, or gets hurt when the other does

I’ve never seen a “ex’s to friends” turn out well.

Maybe it happens, but the one who says it’s working is likely NOT the one who’s hurting.

They’re the one who’s at peace about it (they’ve moved on)… and maybe deep down they know the other still loves them (and that feels nice).

Be good to women, but don’t do things for her until she’s earned them.

The problem with “being nice” is that we mix being kind with putting in way too much effort without her earning it...

And deep down she knows you’re just trying to get in her bed. That’s why she hates the nice things you do. Not because they’re nice. Because they’re fake moves to get laid.

Be kind but speak your wants and hold her to a standard and check that she meets it.

How to tease girls:

Teasing is usually about

1. Pointing out hypocrisy/contradictions

2. Challenging someone

3. Pointing out general mistakes

All of these can work, but they MUST be done in good faith.

And people can tell your heart is in the right place by your voice, the words you say, your face, and the situation.

Let’s say a girl says she’s super into the gym. She’s always working out. Then she says she hasn’t gone in weeks…

“Oh, getting lazy, huh?” with a playful smile, a raised eyebrow, a tilted head, and strong eye contact.

Or…

Let’s say you’re out for drinks and she walks to the bathroom, but she stumbles a bit on a chair.

“I was gonna get us shots when you got back but…” then laugh a little.

A good way to test a girl was when I was talking with a client and he told me how in China, he was taught that Chinese people are the best and others are inferior. So when we talked about his struggles with girls, I told him, “You said you learned that the Chinese are superior. Why don’t you show it?” with a smile. I meant it in fun, but also to push him.

The kind of teasing you use with your boys works with girls too (but it has to be lighter; women don’t take sharp jokes well unless you’re great at it).

If a girl "lets" you tease her, it shows she’s open and trusts you, just like with guy friends, BUT with a girl, this also adds a bit of spark, because teasing is something you only do with people who are your equals or a bit under you.

Since women WANT to be under a man’s lead, they want you to set that tone, and teasing helps make that happen.

Most guys mess up teasing in three ways:

1. They look too hard for something to tease about. This only works if you’re the type of guy who roasts everyone and you’ve nailed timing and tone. But most times, you’ll just sound rude.

2. They mess up how they say it and end up sounding too rough. Girls are more touchy about words (just look at how they talk with each other—guys roast their boys hard, but girls mostly praise each other… even fake praise).

3. They DON’T tease, even when the chance is right there. This is when you SHOULD say something, and not doing it isn’t always smart (unless she already really likes you and teasing her might make her feel unsure or small).

You gotta tease girls.

They enjoy it.

Just be smart about it and don’t overdo it.

Think of it like adding spice to a meal.

No spice is boring, but too much ruins the whole plate.

Figuring out WHERE to grow is the first step to fixing your dating life.

Look at the whole dating process.

=> Approaching/Meeting Girls
=> Texting
=> Dates
=> Dating -> Relationships
=> Relationship Management

Where are you losing out most?

The answer shows up if you ask, “Where do girls stop talking to me the most?”

At least now you know the weak spot.

You still need to figure out WHY it’s happening, but that’s already half the battle.

One of the hardest but key skills in dating is dropping women who aren’t your real match.

It takes real strength and knowing that if you keep looking, you’ll find someone who fits your heart.

No girl is perfect, but you and I both know that when you meet a girl who’s cool but clearly not your wife, it’s easy to see early on.

In nearly every case, I knew early that this girl wasn’t “it.” It was a small voice inside, but I ignored it for many reasons.

But that quiet thought ended up hurting the whole thing. And in time, I always ended it because I KNEW deep down she wasn’t the one.

You can save yourself and women lots of pain if you listen to that voice fast and early.

It’s being kind to her and to yourself.