Ahlus Sunnah Lessons🗒

📥Question:

What is the ruling on a father rejecting a suitor because of him being from a different culture even though the suitor is religiously committed and well-mannered? Is it a valid argument if the father fears a clash of customs and traditions which might harm his daughter?

📤Answered by Shaykh Yusuf Al-Jazaa'iree

Advice for this father: Since he has found a man for his daughter who is upright in his religion and character, this is one of the blessings that Allah the mighty and majestic bestows, that in such times, filled with trials and its people, he has found a man who is righteous in his religion and character proposing to his daughter. The Prophet ﷺ said: "If someone whose character and religion you are pleased with comes to you (for marriage), then marry (your daughter or female under your guardianship) to him. If you do not do so, there will be turmoil on earth and widespread corruption".

So, rejecting someone who is upright in religion and character leads to the spread of fitnah and corruption, both for individuals and society. As for customs and traditions (i.e., cultural norms), they may differ, but Muslims are governed by their religion. Customs and traditions have never been a barrier for Muslims, even since the time of the Prophet ﷺ, as they married across distant regions and countries. Differences in customs and traditions did not prevent them from doing so, because customs and traditions either:
1. Align with the legislation,
2. Contradict the legislation, or
3. Fall under matters that the legislation was silent upon, i.e what's permissible in Islam.

If they are permissible or in accordance with legislation, then praise be to Allah, whether customs differ or not, as long as they are permissible and do not contradict the legislation. However, if customs and traditions contradict the legislation, why should we give them importance? Rather, we should cast them aside.

The point of benefit in this is that Muslims are governed by their religion, not merely by customs and traditions. Among the general principles in legislation is: "Custom is decisive", meaning customs, traditions, and norms are considered in our religion as long as they do not contradict the legislation. If they contradict legislation, they are to be disregarded. But if they are permissible and do not oppose the legislation, then it makes no difference whether they differ or align. The affair has ample room.

Neither should a man impose his customs on his wife, nor should she impose unfamiliar customs on him. Their seeking rulings should be the Book of Allah, the foundation which they agree and unite upon, not mere customs and traditions. The matter is flexible, and differences should not lead to conflict or become a reason for rejecting a suitable suitor.

Many people insist on marrying their daughters only to men from their own region or tribe, which may lead to the woman remaining unmarried as she grows older, with suitors holding back. In doing so, the father contributes to corruption in society, depriving his daughter of her right to marriage, children, and increasing the Muslim community.

So, let fathers fear Allah, those that reject suitors simply because they are "not from my town" or "not from my village". Saying that the customs differ etc, the meaning of is fanaticism to tribalism and regional bias, and that I'm not going to give in marriage besides them, this precisely the despised fanaticism that every Muslim should remove from themselves". End of speech.
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tr. Abu Ibraheem Ash-Shingaani