... and the ego’s mandate is clear: reject others before they have a chance to reject us.

Imagine adding a spoon of salt to a glass of water. It’ll be undrinkable, right? But what if you add the same amount to a river? A spoonful of salt won’t change much at all.
Love is a bit like that.
If our hearts are small, the tiniest faults and failings of those around us can enrage us. If we expand our hearts, however, we become capable of treating others with compassion and empathy.
So how do you become more loving?
Love needs sustenance. It needs happiness.
That’s because love is a living thing and, like every other breathing being, it needs nourishment.
Happiness is the food of love. When you’re happy, you become capable of loving both yourself and others.
But that begs the question: What is happiness?
Zen Buddhism can provide a few insights.
Happiness can’t be attained by fulfilling superficial desires. It’s the fruit of mindfulness. Take walking. If you focus your attention on every single movement of your body and forget your eventual destination and the reason you’re trying to get there, you’ll begin to understand what happiness is.
That’s because mindfulness is about experiencing and appreciating the present moment. When we’re attentive to the present, we begin to notice how much beauty there is in the world. We can truly appreciate the joys of something as simple as a blossoming flower.
But don’t keep this to yourself! Beauty, like love and happiness, is made for sharing.
Practicing mindfulness is a great way of learning how to share these gifts with other people.
Imagine going for a walk with a friend who’s preoccupied and worried about something. You can bring happiness and love into their troubled reflections just by pointing out the things that warm your heart, whether it’s the sun or the play of clouds in the sky above you.

What do you think of when you hear the word “love”?
Many of us associate the concept with a particular kind of desirable partner – ideally a good-looking and successful one!
But that’s not true love.
To grasp this, you have to first understand the nature of love.
True love isn’t about what you stand to gain, but rather about recognizing and understanding the suffering of others. Love lets you see suffering from the perspective of another person, and that makes it easier to help them. Another way of describing this quality of true love is empathy.
It’s not hard to recognize true love when you find it. It reveals a world of beauty and feels both refreshing and solid. It gives you a sense of freedom, tranquility and joy. If you think you might be in love, ask yourself whether you’re filled with a sense of pure joyfulness. If you aren’t, chances are it’s not true love.
Joy is complemented by reverence. In many parts of Asia, there’s a custom that spouses should be treated as reverently as guests by one another. That’s an important part of maintaining a relationship, and even long-term partners should be treated with the same deep respect.
The final attribute of true love is its expansiveness. In the beginning, love is focused on a single person. But in time it grows and begins to extend outward to encompass all living things.
To recognize true love you should pay heed to its four defining traits.
These are loving-kindness, compassion, joy and equanimity.
Let’s unpack those concepts.
Loving-kindness is about using mindfulness to make others happy. Put differently, it’s our ability to make the sun shine in even the most overcast heart.
Compassion lets us see the suffering of others and identify ourselves with their plight. Once we’re attuned to their suffering, we become empathetic – we are able to see truly and listen deeply.
Joy is lasting and deep happiness. To bring joy to others is a great gift.
The final trait is equanimity. This can also be called inclusiveness. It’s the ability to dissolve the boundaries between yourself and another person so that their suffering becomes your own.