Factory reset.

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No 9am meetings please

Too many unread books on my shelf

It's my celebrity crush! Must buy!

That's the basic requirement of an entry-level job nowadays.

Just tell the truth, I knew it anyway

When you've already have 5 coffees but the essay didn't write itself.

Gym isn't that bad after all.

Ah, I see.

Maybe once every few years I hit delete all.

Don't let the soap industry know we do this.

I'm going to bed - 50m ago.
Last seen: 1m ago.

Eat more vegetables?

It's a trick to make you look at your notifications less.

No I don't like that.

Leave me alone

I'm not actually alive I'm just running on coffee.