عاشق تینام تا ابد

I actually wanted to come back here and reply 3:35 on this
Because, well, I really thought I'm not gonna get anywhere.
But then, really, the way all of you talked to me and made me feel better made me a little more hopeful.

Especially you, the one who knows whom he is himself
[Yeah I learnt how to use whom]

Ever been fucked by a rough @Bat70man?
Fuh nuh,
you be fuckin' with them fuh @louie7adams'

To be fair,
I have been the worse this whole time. I have talked people down, I have made people upset and I have said hurtful things.

I knew the consequences of my actions—yet I was so focused on, well, committing before the exam [aka, the judgement day in some texts, the other times the judgement day was the representation of the time I had to face God and die] that I never thought of what could possibly be the outcome upon my aggression towards my loved ones.

For a lot of times I wanted to text people, to beg them to love me. Simply because the state I was kept inside made me feel like I'm the worst,
The unlovable child that hovers around until needed.
That made me pull back.
That, perhaps was the reason I stopped being anything

At some point beneath this line of journey I stopped feeling loved. I stopped feeling cared—I stopped feeling human.
I wanted to be nothing but cables
A mere core processor with no emotions worse than the one you see in an artificial intelligence.

"It builds character" I told myself
You told me "how much character you want to build?", remember?
That stuck,
Because the whole "building character" was the facade you and I both knew I kept up because I wanted to be soley the person that stood her ground despite how my mental decayed like the little prince's flower.
Despite how much I made you hate yourself and hate me

But then, you.
I bothered you the most, I made resentments the most—I fucked everything up the most simply because I couldn't tolerate the person I was.
Simply because I was the one that I was, the one that kept fighting and standing ground.
Is the actual error that lives beneath all this layer of silky pink and cotton black.

But then it passed,
And I just,
Stopped.
I stopped because the lie I kept telling myself was eating me alive.
How could I blame the person that kept me sane for most parts for something I couldn't pull because I was too fragile?

Yes, maybe I did commit.
Yes maybe I did commit twice after two arguments because I wanted to be free
I thought I'd make both of us free by just
leaving.


I shouldn't be telling these here, should I?
Yet,
I wanted to let the whole earth know that no matter what happens I'm still glad and extremely thankful to have you here,
With me
Even as I lash out like a dog,
Even as I bite like a cat—even as I hurt like a person,
You stayed,
You tried—you gave solutions but I was stubborn.
Naive.
I thought my life had finally ended because never,
never,
I never thought I get old enough to see the day I get passed high school.
I never thought I'd have hope again.

I'm not Mary,
Im not sick and I'm not dying—but.

You mad[k]e me happy.

Forgive the rabid dog that kept barking at nights.
As the child had finally left the graveyard—for now.

ستی بوست خریده

Forward this, and I will give you a a flower with the meaning behind it based off of the vibe I get from your channel.

P.S:I'd give a flower with the same color if the channel is mostly edits and no texts to show the person

Limit: Until crossed,
Send privates here: http://t.me/anonaskbot?start=bornwithdeath
Or here, if you like: @PlungedInDespairBot

Answers

Happy birthday to Amir,
The fam that kept being there for you[me, I mean] even if shit hit the fan everywhere

I wanted us to be happy, Stanley. I really did.
I wish I still thought that was possible.