The tears fell, reviving the dead river with salty water as it flow, as it reminded the wind that the loser is yet again alive.
That, the loser has lost again.
The loser has lost the battle of dying. No matter the cause, the try, the thought. The loser remains a loser.

It remains the same damned loser as always as it watches the moon, is it begs the moon to close the book,
To cut the rope,
To push the chair— to make the pills works.

The loser is still intact, ruining the life of others as it breathes, as it walks as it talks gibberish.
As it makes people mad, as it makes people sad.

The same loser always in the end, never even close to the middle as it pushes its way to the corner of the room to cry like a baby.

"Aren't you just a fucking cry baby?" The man once said. Yet, why would it affect tge loser? The loser is always the same.
No matter the amount of candies it takes from the man, even as he offers more, and more, and more,
And more,
Non gets the loser full.

Non kills the loser.

I'm the loser,
I'm the loser that begs, that cries—that prays,
That prays to be taken,
Thats been begging to be taken since a child.

Im the loser that never understood why people avoided.
I'm the loser that never got to the finish line.
I'm the loser loser that spent all my days sitting alone watching nothing, wanting nothing, thinking nothing.

I'm the loser that's nothing.

but I am beyond strength
I am THE END

FALL
you are alone child
there's only darkness for you
and death for your people

Oh, the death I wish upon my people each nano angestrom of seconds.
The hatred I keep deep in my heart for the foul species call "human",
The same disappointing creature that I have to be one

عاشق تینام تا ابد

I actually wanted to come back here and reply 3:35 on this
Because, well, I really thought I'm not gonna get anywhere.
But then, really, the way all of you talked to me and made me feel better made me a little more hopeful.

Especially you, the one who knows whom he is himself
[Yeah I learnt how to use whom]

Ever been fucked by a rough @Bat70man?
Fuh nuh,
you be fuckin' with them fuh @louie7adams'

To be fair,
I have been the worse this whole time. I have talked people down, I have made people upset and I have said hurtful things.

I knew the consequences of my actions—yet I was so focused on, well, committing before the exam [aka, the judgement day in some texts, the other times the judgement day was the representation of the time I had to face God and die] that I never thought of what could possibly be the outcome upon my aggression towards my loved ones.

For a lot of times I wanted to text people, to beg them to love me. Simply because the state I was kept inside made me feel like I'm the worst,
The unlovable child that hovers around until needed.
That made me pull back.
That, perhaps was the reason I stopped being anything

At some point beneath this line of journey I stopped feeling loved. I stopped feeling cared—I stopped feeling human.
I wanted to be nothing but cables
A mere core processor with no emotions worse than the one you see in an artificial intelligence.

"It builds character" I told myself
You told me "how much character you want to build?", remember?
That stuck,
Because the whole "building character" was the facade you and I both knew I kept up because I wanted to be soley the person that stood her ground despite how my mental decayed like the little prince's flower.
Despite how much I made you hate yourself and hate me

But then, you.
I bothered you the most, I made resentments the most—I fucked everything up the most simply because I couldn't tolerate the person I was.
Simply because I was the one that I was, the one that kept fighting and standing ground.
Is the actual error that lives beneath all this layer of silky pink and cotton black.

But then it passed,
And I just,
Stopped.
I stopped because the lie I kept telling myself was eating me alive.
How could I blame the person that kept me sane for most parts for something I couldn't pull because I was too fragile?

Yes, maybe I did commit.
Yes maybe I did commit twice after two arguments because I wanted to be free
I thought I'd make both of us free by just
leaving.


I shouldn't be telling these here, should I?
Yet,
I wanted to let the whole earth know that no matter what happens I'm still glad and extremely thankful to have you here,
With me
Even as I lash out like a dog,
Even as I bite like a cat—even as I hurt like a person,
You stayed,
You tried—you gave solutions but I was stubborn.
Naive.
I thought my life had finally ended because never,
never,
I never thought I get old enough to see the day I get passed high school.
I never thought I'd have hope again.

I'm not Mary,
Im not sick and I'm not dying—but.

You mad[k]e me happy.