FLORIDA MAN CAUGHT AT FORT LAUDERDALE AIRPORT WITH 67 UNCOOKED HOT DOGS TAPED TO HIS BODY -- POLICE REPORT STATES OFFICERS HAD TO "DE-WIENER THE SUSPECT" BEFORE PROCESSING

Fort Lauderdale, FL -- TSA agents at Hollywood International Airport detained Raymond Bullock, 57, Tuesday morning after a full body scanner revealed what a supervising agent described in the official report as "an anomalous tubular layering situation" across his torso, thighs, and both forearms that upon physical inspection turned out to be sixty-seven uncooked hot dogs secured with approximately three rolls of duct tape.
Bullock, who was attempting to board a Spirit Airlines flight to Baltimore, told agents the hot dogs were a dietary necessity, a cost-saving measure, and frankly none of their business in that order.

Hot dogs were distributed across seven body zones including both shins
Tape had been applied in overlapping rows described by agents as "methodical and practiced"
Bullock confirmed this was not his first time flying with provisions
Could not confirm it was his first time flying with this many
Told agents Baltimore hot dogs were "a completely different price point"
When asked why they were uncooked, said he preferred to control the preparation himself
Supervising Agent Donna Polk wrote in her report that staff had to "de-wiener the suspect" prior to secondary screening
The phrase has since been highlighted, circled, and photocopied by everyone in the terminal

Agent Polk confirmed no charges were filed as transporting uncooked meat on one's person is not a federal offense, a gap in legislation she described as "newly relevant."
Bullock rebooked his flight, checked a cooler, and was described by gate agents as "noticeably more aerodynamic" on the return trip.
He taped sixty-seven hot dogs to his body and the only thing the government could do was remove them. America remains free.

#funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY


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