It's as if I'm stuck at a crossroads
every time i choose a path
i find despair waiting for me at the end...
as if all paths were designed to lead me back to my disappointment.

it was as if i were a wave crashing against itself
hope was sinking and despair was rising

i’m standing on the edge of my own soul like a wild, crashing sea.
no shore feels for me, and there’s no harbor to end this mess inside.
its like im a massive wave born just to hit itself, breaking over its own chest, and drowning in its own depths before ever hitting land.
hope, to me, is like an oil lamp that dropped to the bottom of the ocean
its oil floats up like a letdown, and its light is choking in the dark. Every time I try to come up for air, the weight of despair pulls me back down.
i’ve become a drowning person who’s actually scared of being saved, because the dry land just doesn't have room for all my broken pieces anymore.

try to love ur sorrows
perhaps they will leave like the things u loved

i’m just this big blue emptiness stretching way past the horizon where my voice don't even echo it just hits me right back

loneliness aint about people being gone it’s about being a whole damn ocean that can’t find a single drop that feels like me i’m full of everything but got nothing at all
every wave i send to the shore is a cry for help in a bottle but the tide just brings it back all smashed up like the land won't even listen to me hurt
i’ve turned into one of those ghost ships just floating with nowhere to go wood all rotted from waiting till the sea forgot i was even a stranger
now i’m stuck in the deep where the light just gives up and the lonely feels heavy enough to crush my bones
nobody’s brave enough to dive in and find me they all just look at how calm i look on top not knowing this quiet is just the corpse of a storm that killed itself cuz it had nobody to be crazy with

Iׁ wׁaׁnׁtׁ to inhabit uׁr world, to be the sole possessor of ur gaze, and the permanent dweller in the depths of ur heart.
I want ur heart to forget how to beat for anyone else, and to make my presence the rhythm that quickens its beat, and to sing oׁnׁlׁyׁ fׁoׁrׁ mׁeׁ. ׁ

I  want u , all to myself—ur eyes, ur heart, every beat of ur chest.
i want u to beat for me and withme, and for my presence to unsettle the tranquility of ur heart, making it race as if its running toward me.

be mine, be mine alone.
i want to be ur last secret and ur first dream, to dwell in ur heart and have no one else share you with me.
I want to hear ur heartbeat tell me you're mine, and for ur pulse to falter with love whenever I draw near.

@718

when letters become incapable of containing a feeling that overflows from the soul
and words become mere pale shadows of the storms and tranquility that stir in the chest
here silence is born, which is more eloquent than any statement.
the highest degree of expression is that which tongues are unable to utter, so the heartbeats speak instead, and the eyes are content to draw stories that have not been written in a book, where silence becomes a sacred language understood only by those who realize that the depth of meaning always lies in what is not said
718

go ur own way
let the flames consume what remains of me;, i will extinguish quietly as if ihad never been lit

if u find me pleasing
may u be rewarded.
And if ur thoughts are ill, i dont care.
lam but clay, molded with sins, and I am nnot the full moon that u should expect me to be perfect.
Sorrows may wound the soul
causing it to weep, and the soul then seeks another to console it.
yesterday i healed wounded souls, And today my own soul is wounded;, who will heal it?

have u ever found a murdred person who is infatuated with his killer? or a drowning person who loves to drown in his ocean?

Its hard to love someone
i always
love someone unconditionally
so Why?
Why cant i receive the same thing

"I have always longed for a soul like mine"

one that wouldn't leave me alone in the cold of confusion, that would hold my hand when I withdraw from the world, and whisper to me that i am not alone; a heart that sees beauty in my flaws, and strength in my brokenness, and makes its bosom my safe haven whenever life's storms rage around me."