It's obvious from your own personal tragedies that you're working out the trauma you experienced as a little boy by helping others. What's fascinating, however, is that you don't recognize the need to be helped in return. Instead, you continue to think these people would be lost without you. Which makes you a control freak with a messiah complex. You need help, and if you don't ask for it, something's going to break. And things that break aren't easily put back together.