Akmal | Notes

I have never been good at saying goodbye, at least not until you came into my life. Thank you for being the one person with whom my words have never seemed to run out. I have always told you that I could never run out of things to say to you, and I meant every word of it.

I explained every misunderstanding that occurred between us. I even told you that one of those things was actually done with you in mind—that I had liked the picture because I intended to give you something related to it as a gift. As for the emoji on the post, that was genuinely a mistake. The day before, I had been going through the channels of people I admire and adding the emojis they used, and I must have pressed it without thinking before sleep.

When I said, “It does not worth it,” I was referring to the misunderstanding, not to your heart, my darling.

Oh, you, the very meaning of my life. After everything I have done for you, I never imagined that a single misunderstanding could become the reason you would choose to walk away from me. I know your heart is aching. But please believe me when I say that I never wanted any of this to happen.

Last night, this misunderstanding brought me to tears. Have you really forgotten that you were the one who melted the ice within me and taught my heart to be soft, especially for you? Have you really forgotten how deeply I have always wanted to see you smile, to see you happy, and to know that life was being kind to you?

After all these words, after everything I have tried to explain, I even spoke to my mother and yours—the two most important people in our lives—about the pure love I have for you. I let them know what you mean to me, how sincerely I feel about you, and how much you matter to my life.

And yet, I never imagined that one misunderstanding, however convincing it might have seemed to you, could become the reason for you to leave me behind.

That is what hurts me so deeply. Not merely the misunderstanding itself, but the thought that after everything we have shared, after all the love I have carried for you, something like this could be enough to make you give up on me.

I am not asking you to pretend that nothing happened. I only wish you could see my intentions for what they truly were, rather than let one painful misunderstanding overshadow everything I have ever felt for you.

Because, my love, I never wanted to be the reason for your pain. I have only ever wanted to be one of the reasons you smile.

And it breaks my heart that something I never intended to happen has brought us to this point.

If only you knew how deeply this hurts me.

إن لم تكن أنت موطني، فأين يكون وطني؟

And after all this, after everything I have explained to you, would you still say goodbye to me?

Even after I have laid my heart bare before you, would you still choose to leave? If so, then perhaps I never meant as much to you as I thought I did. Oh, how painfully that thought cuts.

The book I dedicated to you is filled with tears. Every page carries the weight of thinking about you, of imagining the pain you might be going through, and of wishing I could somehow make things easier for you. I poured so much of my heart into those pages, and now they are soaked in the very tears I can no longer hold back.

Was I truly so insignificant to you?

If you decide to leave, then please know this: you will have walked away because of a single misunderstanding, without ever truly hearing me out. You never really gave me the chance to be understood; you simply chose not to listen to the truth I was trying so desperately to explain.

Oh, you, the very meaning of my life. My words for you have never run dry, and perhaps they never will. There will always be something left unsaid, another feeling I struggle to put into words, another part of my heart that belongs to you.

But despite everything I have said, despite all the words I could spend a lifetime trying to find, the conclusion is yours to make.

If you leave, you will leave my heart turned to stone.I have nothing more to say.

إن لم تكن أنت موطني، فأين يكون وطني؟