I love how John Mulaney talks like he's from the 40's. ✨🎞

Society wants us to be Tom Hanks, but we're Bill Murray and life is more fun that way. Less healthy, but more fun.

I don't want to be real anymore, I want to be a dream.
I don't care if it's a sweet dream or a fever dream, as long as it's unforgettable.

ʕ ᵔᴥᵔ ʔ

This emoticon has more hope in life than I do

my sons

being a homeless introvert must be even more horrible than regular homelessness.

the other day i was thinking being a soldier at war is hard but imagine if it's a soldier with ocd

Also a soldier with ADHD would not last long.